Trust me, you guys. This kinda stuff only gets harder as you get older. The world stops being as black and white and grey becomes a common occurrence.
For example....
When I was 15, I started dating a boy named Scott. We were in the 9th grade at the time, and we really liked each other. Believe it or not, I stayed with him for THREE years. I mean, during that three years, we only broke up once...for three days. We did fall in love. However, back in October I met this boy named Eric at this party for my niece. At this same party, Scott was acting like a total retard (along with various other names I have for that) and I was upset. Eric followed me into the kitchen and talked to me.
I really liked him.
At any rate, he and I stayed friends. Even though we shouldn't have, it caused us both a lot of problems. I won't go into too much detail with the problems that were caused, simply because I wish to forget them.
In February, I found out that Scott liked someone else a whole lot. I've never been the jealous type. Honestly, I couldn't have cared less if he hung out with other girls. But he really liked her. It bothered me because I felt like I had done something wrong, something that caused him to seek approval from someone else. He told me I hadn't done anything wrong, that he just liked her.
So I didn't say anything when they'd go hang out. I didn't say anything when he texted her constantly. I didn't say anything when Scott would call her and talk to her for almost an hour...
Instead, I decided to hang out with Eric more. He was really nice to me and he made me laugh. This really bothered Scott. I don't know why, nothing was going on with Eric and I, even though I did like him. I never admitted this to Scott, because I knew how much it hurt.
So, Scott and I decided that since we are graduating in about a month, we should break up. Truth was, we would never see each other and it wasn't fair to tie each other down.
I loved (and still do love) Scott. And I really like Eric. After Scott and I broke up, we started hanging out more until he went home for the summer. (He goes to college nearby.)
So here's the problem...
I care about Scott and his feelings. I don't ever want to hurt him, but I can't stand being miserable anymore. I can't stand feeling as though I'm always in 2nd...after his games or something. And Eric doesn't want anything serious (which is actually cool with me). I like Eric a whole bunch. He's funny and nice and cares about me too.
It's not cut and dry. It never will be. Either way, I end up crying sometimes...because it's all confusing.
