Author Topic: Marching to a tune never is fun..-..-..  (Read 1751 times)

Offline Jackie Saylem

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Marching to a tune never is fun..-..-..
« on: August 1, 2009, 12:02:54 AM »
((Ok, this is completely unrelated to hpff and every character on it. This is my story and I would just like some honest feedback! Plus this is basically an excerpt from a book being written in my head, and its in the middle, so bear with me.))

Nate- Vampire and Arianna's (I) love
Damon- Nate's brother, mysterious, arrogant, brooding, supposed to be evil
Arianna- Being told from her point of view
Mckaella- Arianna's extremely popular friend.

I padded slowly through the small dirt tunnels. The air around me was so thick; I thought I could slice it through with the knife clutched desperately in my right hand. I could feel the sweat beading and dripping off my hands and face. The sound of it hitting the dirt ground was so loud that she was sure they would appear from around the corner.

Then I heard it. It was a bloodcurdling scream from about 20 ft down the tunnel. I broke into a flat out sprint. I knew that scream, although it was completely different that the one I had heard Mckaella use when faced with a Gardner Snake in my backyard. That was a bloody murder scream.

The sound of my feet slapping the ground immediately ceased when I rounded the corner into a small clearing and saw it. “MCKAELLA!” I shrieked. She was lying, moaning on the ground. Her eyes were closed, but they fluttered open every now and then. There was a gash down her arm. There were also two small puncture marks on her neck like the ones on the side of my neck, but they didn’t look fresh. I reached up and touched the my marks, wincing in pain slightly, but it brought back loving memories and the image of Nate in my brain. 

Why? I cursed myself. Why did I let her run ahead? But after a second I realized I had to do something. I couldn’t just stand here while Mckaella bled to death. I got down on my knees and put pressure on the wound on her arm to stop the bleeding, but she screamed and thrashed and I jumped back. I tried again and again with the same result. 

I wracked my brain for answers, but I couldn’t find any. Then a wave of hopelessness hit me. We would both die here. Mckaella would bleed to death and they would come back for me. As a last attempt at help I sucked in a deep breath.  “NATE!” I yelled desperately. “DAMON!” I called over and over again, but I could feel myself slipping into darkness. On the fifth call I hit a black wall.
Jade Madeline Hayes - Strong, Independant, Confused, Naive.

Arianna Adaine - Elegant, Lethal, Lost, Alone, Outgoing, Anxious.

Jackie Dawn Saylem - Beautiful, Vampire, Young, Passionate, Energetic, Quirky

Offline potter_fan122

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Re: Marching to a tune never is fun..-..-..
« Reply #1 on: August 1, 2009, 05:17:31 AM »
Why did you stop?!
Keep going.
=]
"Get out of my way! I'm a free spirit!"
FOREVER WILL NEVER BE LONG ENOUGH.
"And now I understand a phrase I once thought odd;
I guess to love another person is to see the face of God."

Offline Miss Xantier

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Re: Marching to a tune never is fun..-..-..
« Reply #2 on: August 1, 2009, 07:22:40 AM »
I agree with Stacey, why you stop??? Damon... That reminds me of a little kid across the street from me, he's 5 years younger then me. Damon is his name.

Offline Jackie Saylem

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Re: Marching to a tune never is fun..-..-..
« Reply #3 on: August 7, 2009, 11:48:05 PM »
When I regained consciousness, I wasn’t alone. I tried to raise my head, but a cool hand held me back down. It wasn’t hard, but it was firm. “Relax, my sweet.” A voice said, but it was the wrong voice. I sat up looking at the person with their hand on my head. It was Damon. 

I pushed his hand away gently. “I thought I made it clear that I wasn’t your sweet.” I said softly, anger hinting slightly at my voice.

“I never said that I would listen to you.” Damon said arrogantly, smiling lazily while he said it. He brushed his finger across the marks on the side of my throat.

I tensed; trying not to wince as he also bent down and kissed the marks lightly, just brushing his smooth, soft lips over them, arrogantly overconfident. I almost growled, but it all flooded out of me as I saw Nate. He was across the clearing, bent over Mckaella. 

I ran over next to him, and he looked up at me, smiling softly. When I looked back at Damon, his face was immediately dark and unemotional.  “How did you guys find me?” I asked Nate softly. “We followed your scent, and screams.” He responded softly, looking up at me and touching my cheek with the back of his hand. It took all I could not to melt into his arms then and there.

Mckaella was wide awake and moaning lightly while Nate worked over her.  Suddenly he looked up. “Mckaella needs blood.” He said, looking at me. “You need to give her some of your blood Ari.” He said intently, staring at me with those burning golden eyes. It was so different than the loving gaze he had given me just a moment ago.

“Sure.” I said, completely agreeable. “So who’s going to bite me?” I asked, calmly, masking a subtle nervous fear.

Damon was staring at the ground, refusing to meet my gaze. Nate stood up drawing the small knife I once held from his pocket. “That won’t get enough blood.” He said, flicking the knife around calmly, still looking at me. “We need to cut your wrist.”
Jade Madeline Hayes - Strong, Independant, Confused, Naive.

Arianna Adaine - Elegant, Lethal, Lost, Alone, Outgoing, Anxious.

Jackie Dawn Saylem - Beautiful, Vampire, Young, Passionate, Energetic, Quirky

Offline Tutiouh09

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Marching to a tune never is fun
« Reply #4 on: December 9, 2009, 11:21:43 PM »
You guys should all tune in. I sense there are going to be some great female guests

Which reminds me, NWSG, you should call Shuli back nudge nudge, wink wink