Topic: Alfonso Whinfrey Bio. (Static)

[James156]

Name—Alfonso Winfrey

Age—15 (fifth year at Hogwarts)

Height—5'10''

Appearance—He is a fairskinned boy with a charming face. He has short, dazzling blonde hair with beautifully hazel eyes. He has a star-tattoo on his left cheek and has been their ever since his birth. He lived near the beaches of Florida, so he has an unusual dark tan for someone so fair skinned. He has majorly thin eyebrows, a some-what prominent chin, and his nose is pretty big, but it adds to his face than takes away. His face seems to be plastered with a glow, but a shy, nervous one at that.
 
Race—Half-Blood. (wizard and muggle) His dad is the wizard, his mom the witch

Parents— Jakob and Martha Winfrey
Personality— He is a shy, quiet boy. He is also loving to the ones he loves and caring to the people he knows..but never get him angry. He will blow up (in anger) and his tattoo will glow and a shield of strong static will exude from his body. Most people are afraid of him, but when they get to know him, they learn that he is also intelligent and safe to be with.

Likes/Dislikes— Alfonse hates thunder, even though he creates electricity himself. He hates thunder bcause when he was a little boy he was electrocuted by a light socket when he was just a baby. His father had always wondered how he survived. He also hates Transfiguration class, which seems to be his worst subject; he always seems to electrocute whatever he transfigures, unlike charms, which he is great at (especially since his wand is yew and has a dragon heartstring core). His favorite thing to do is to play with his pet tarantula Freddie, who has always been their for him. His new favorite thing to do is Quidditch; he the new Ravenclaw Seeker.
Power— Stormcaster: a stormcaster can, well, cast storms when he/she grows with his/her powers. They basically can make and control thunder and electicity.
History— Alfonse moved from America when he was 12 years old, transferring to Hogwarts. He was the new kid for a while, not knowing anyone, or anything. He then one day got angry at a boy for pinking on a cute girl named Pixie McKinnons. Pixie is also a fifth year, with a beuatiful smile, radiant brown hair, and has a kind and loving nature. He blew up of course, and electrocuted the poor boy. He then has been friends with Pixie ever since; she has been helping him to control his power. He learned how to channel his power in his hands, enhancing his abilities. (sort of like the whole Zuess thing) He is the only one in his family who can do this. Note: Doesn't have much of a family history. He is the only one to go to Hogwarts.

[Alexis]

Could use some more description in it.
It's unique though.  Welcome to the site, and can't wait to RP with you.

[fudge0604]

It's an O.K bio, but it definitely needs some work.

Take this as constructive criticism.

NAME: Ok.

AGE Ok

Height I come from Norway, and we use the metric system here. Have no idea how rational his height is. :p

Appearance This one could definitely use much more. You use three sentences about your own character, whilst you really should have used one paragraph, or more. Describe his features, anything you can come up with! And before you write, imagine you're character in your head, and type out what you see! The better visual, the better bio. And remember, you're character is supposed to be a person.

Would you describe a person with three sentences?

Race Mention which parent is muggle and which is a wizard?

Personality You have to give your character more flaws, because now, he's a bit too perfect. No one is perfect, and everyone has flaws. Characters on this form too. Again, type more on this subject too.

Likes/dislikes Reason why he hates thunder? And people do tend to like something too :p

Power What is a stormcaster? Describe.

History Can be added more to. This is one of the most important parts, which forms how you're character acts today. Who is Pixie? Add more to this too

(( This is only advice, which I give in hope that you will improve. ))

[James156]

I have edited it! Hope everyone likes it!

[Miss Xantier]

I think it's good for your first one James.

[James156]

Thanks!! I thought it was a good idea! thanks a lot! I think i should add a little more to his parents though. 

[Bucky Black]

If he's the only one to go to Hogwarts how can his Dad be a wizard??

[Miss Xantier]

Bucky, there are only wizarding schools like Durmstrang and Beaubatons.

[~Harry Potter~]

Not bad for your first bio and it gets better with time.  Though just because your character is the only one of his family to go to Hogwarts doesn't mean he doesn't have a history.  It is hard to think one up but it really is great when you do since it gives your character such richness. 

[Bucky Black]

Bucky, there are only wizarding schools like Durmstrang and Beaubatons.

He'd still have family HISSTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY

[~Harry Potter~]

Bucky, there are only wizarding schools like Durmstrang and Beaubatons.

He'sd still have family HISSTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY

At least his doesn't have anything about wizard/muggle wars, or concentration camps >.>

[Bucky Black]

I'm still working on mine!!!! What's wrong with that anyway!!!!

[James156]

I am glad people are enjoying it. I have edited it a bit since the last post (i think)

[James156]

Name—Alfonso Whinfrey (Static)

Age—16 (sixth year at Hogwarts)

Height—6'0''

Appearance—He is a fairskinned boy with a charming face. He has short, light brown hair with beautiful hazel eyes. He has a star-tattoo on his left cheek and it has been there ever since his birth. He lived near the beaches of Florida, so he has an unusual dark tan for someone so fair skinned. He has majorly thin eyebrows, a somewhat prominent chin, and his nose is pretty big, but it adds to his face than takes away. His face seems to be plastered with a glow, but a shy, nervous one at that. He is tall, and kind of lanky, but well built. He has broad shoulders, long arms, smooth skin, and thin lips. He has a high forehead, so his head seems much bigger than it really is. 
 
Race—Half-Blood. (wizard and smuggle) His dad is the wizard, his mom the witch

Parents— Jakob and Martha Whinfrey

Personality— He is a shy, quiet boy. He is also a very loving and caring person...once you get to know him..but, unfortunately, he has an anger problem. He will blow up (in anger) and his tattoo will glow and a shield of strong static will exude from his body. Most people are afraid of him, but when they get to know him, they learn that he is also intelligent and safe to be with.

Likes/Dislikes— Alfonse hates thunder, even though he creates electricity himself. He hates thunder because when he was a little boy he was electrocuted by a light socket when he was just a baby. His father had always wondered how he survived. He also hates Transfiguration class, which seems to be his worst subject; he always seems to electrocute whatever he transfigures, unlike charms, which he is great at (especially since his wand is yew and has a dragon heartstring core). His favorite thing to do is to play with his pet tarantula Freddie, who is now full grown (its i smaller breed of tarantula, similar to Aragog) who has always been their for him. He is about three feet tall, four feet wide, and sometimes fights at his side. He likes to be with people, but its hard for him to make friends. He likes to learn new things, but is scared of failure and danger (dueling is a different ball game for him, though). Maybe it is caused by his childhood experience with that light socket?

Power— Stormcaster: a stormcaster can, well, cast storms when he/she grows with his/her powers. They basically can make and control thunder and electricityy.

History— Alfonse moved from America when he was 12 years old, transferring to Hogwarts. He was the new kid for a while, not knowing anyone, or anything. . But hes made friends like Albus and Heather. He learned how to channel his power in his hands by his father, enhancing his abilities. (sort of like the whole Zeus's thing) He is the only one in his family who can do this. His mom is short,stalky, and sweet. She is the county mail lady. His father now works for the Ministry of Magic in England in the Department of Mysteries. He was promoted from his job in America (he handled muggle relations for a while, and did other odd jobs)
 

[hpitb]

Hi, just a few corrections. I think you should state the blood status of Alfonso's parents. You said he has a star tattoo. A tattoo is an artificial imprinting on skin drawn with ink or a rapid drum beat. I think the word birthmark would apply better. Thunder is a noise, no wait, a sound, sorry. It doesn't electrocute things. Lightning is electricity and light and thermal energy and all of that. That would electrocute a person.  And when he blows up in anger, does he blow up as radiating electrical energy from him or does he throw tantrums or does he do both?