Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

[Antonella Malfoy]

Title: Empty Chairs at Empty Tables
Author: Antonella MalfoyRating: PG
Genre: Angst
Warnings: mild swearing, Order of the Phoenix Spoilers
Summary: Using a song from Les Miserables, the musical, Remus reflects upon Sirius's death, wondering what this means for him and how his life has to change now. Angsty, and only one chapter. Don't blame me for the weird grammar in the song, I didn't write that part.

Remus was sitting in his home alone, very alone. Alone is all that he felt now. Sirius was gone. Forever. Forever was such a strong word. It still seemed surreal that he was gone, and it choked Remus up each time he thought about the memorial service they had had. The grief was still so powerful, and he knew that Harry must be feeling it too, but part of him couldn't help but think that he, Remus, had it harder. He had known Sirius since they were both eleven and they had both passed the forty mark before he died. Harry had only known him for a few years. Remus had lost his other best friends too. James, James and Lily had been killed off almost fifteen years ago, but still at time grief would overcome him, and Peter, the backstabbing rat was as good as dead. Remus would make sure of it if he ever saw Peter again. It was his fault that all these things happened. But then, Remus had thought it had been Sirius. Why he ever thought that, he thought in hindsight, was beyond him. They were all gone. Every last one of them.

There's a grief that can't be spoken,
There's a pain goes on and on,
Empty chairs at empty tables,
Now my friends are dead and gone.


Taking a walk might clear his mind. It wasn't long before he was standing outside of Hogwarts, having been living in Hogsmeade. He walked over to the birch tree that they had many fun times during their years at the school. Here they had planned Voldemort's demise, though none of them had come close, but it was here they lit the flame of their adulthood. Ready to go off into the future, but that future never came for James. He had gotten married, to Lily, after much persuasion, and had a child. He'd hardly begun living, and then his life stopped. He and his wife were dead, but their child lived on as the savior of the world they had once known. Why was it he who was left behind having to think about them, it made Remus mad to think about how selfish he was being. Sirius was back with James now, Remus laughed to think about the kind of greeting that James was bound to give his best friend when reaching the afterworld. Lily must be oh-so pleased. But still he couldn't help but thinking that it would have been infinitely better if it had been as they had planned, growing old together, never keeping out of touch, and watching the Potter family tree grow. But those days never came.

Here they talked of revolution;
Here it was they lit the flame.
Here they sang about tomorrow,
And tomorrow never came.



Remus walked to oh too familiar stairs up to the Gryffindor Tower, and found the Fat Lady hanging wide open. He walked into the common room that had been his home for over seven years of his childhood. He walked to the secluded table in the back, in as much of a corner as you could get in a circular room. Here had been where pranks and futures were planed. He remembered one time where they had gotten so loud that the whole common room had known what was in store for Snape the following week. He could still hear James calling out to Lily to ask her out again, and get turned down again.
His brain spun to a more recent memory, a memory of a forty year old Sirius, a Sirius who felt to confined, and said, as he left Girmmauld Place that he was ready to do what ever he needed to do for Harry. Harry, Harry was the one that they had all died for. Peter, well, he wasn't dead, but he killed himself from the world by giving Harry over to his master. James and Lily died protecting their son. Sirius had done the same for Harry just under fifteen years later. He was the only one who hadn't risked their life and lost it for that child. Remus then took it upon himself to guard Harry at all costs, even if it meant sacrificing himself for the boy. He was the good that had come out of the war; he was the voice of freedom. He was the world reborn. He was their only hope, he was the only way to end the hell they all lived in everyday. Harry, and only Harry.

[Antonella Malfoy]

From the table in the corner,
They could see a world reborn.
And they rose with voices ringing,
And I can hear them now!
The very words that they had sung,
Became their last communion,
On the lonely barricade...
At dawn.


As he looked out of the window he saw the sun rising in the East. He hadn't seen the sunrise in over a week, sleeping in to all hours, scared that he might wake up and find that the nightmare was true. And it was, every time. Remus wondered whether or not that his friends would forgive him for being the one that was still living, the one that had survived. They had died, and he hadn't, Remus had always hoped that he would be the first to go, so he didn't have to deal with this sense of complete hopelessness. However, he would have to carry this pain around with him for the rest of his time among the living. He had no one to cope with, when James and Lily were gone, he didn't have anyone then either, until he found Sirius an innocent man. But that was short lived, two years he'd had Sirius back, two years to make up for thirteen apart. Why was fate so cruel to him? Wasn't it enough that he was a werewolf? Apparently not. Apparently he had to suffer more, as if he hadn't learned life's lessons yet, and somehow everyone else had. What was he missing? What didn't he understand? Why did he have to suffer so? The pain was unbearable, but he had to be strong, for Harry. Everything was for Harry.

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me.

That I live and you are gone,
There's a grief that can't be spoken,
There's a pain goes on and on.


He looked around the empty room, and had to shake himself, he had sworn he had seen Sirius's face peer at him from the portrait hole. He looked out the window again, and looking at their tree he had sworn that he had seen James and Sirius sitting together, laughing. But that was never happening again in his life, his friends were gone. Permanently. There was no bringing them back. Though he had been through this before, it was still just as hard. Just as painful as it was the last time he thought he was alone in the world. Those old scars had been ripped open, painfully, abruptly and caught him completely unawares. He figured he'd assumed that once he had Sirius back, there wouldn't be loosing him. How horribly wrong he was. He'd wished he had known earlier that it had been the last time he would see Sirius. He wished he had known that it would be the last time that they would share a meal, the last time they would laugh together, the last adventure they'd have. He would have done things so differently then, made sure that there were no loose ends, but now there were so many what ifs and so much pain. They would never be together again, until his time on this earth was over.

[Antonella Malfoy]

Phantom faces at the window,
Phantom shadows on the floor.
Empty chairs at empty tables,
Where my friends will meet no more.

Why was he the one left? What was so important that Harry might live? They had the prophecy, the fact that he had to kill Voldemort, or Voldemort had to kill him. Why had they all died for him? He could see Lily and James' point of view, he was their son after all, and well, Voldemort was there. When Sirius had died, Voldemort was no where to be seen. What was his sacrifice for? Remus didn't have the faintest idea. Sirius was gone, there was no bringing him back, yet Remus couldn't tell himself that. He insisted upon telling himself that Sirius was just on a long holiday. But, he knew that he was wrong. There was no brining him back, no matter how hard he tired. The image of Sirius's body just falling into the veil still haunted Remus, there was no escape from it; it was like he was cursed. Cursed with grief. His friends were gone, that was all there was to it. He'd never hear their voices again. He'd have to square with it someday, and he was completely aware of the fact. It was just a matter of doing it.
Remus stood up, and began to walk out of the common room, but grief over came him, and he could no longer even stand up, but collapsed on to his knees and sobbed in agony. Sirius was gone. James was gone. Lily was gone, and Peter wasn't worth a thing. Harry was in danger. They all were. His friends. Gone. Forever. Thinking this only made his arms give way and he was now lying on the floor of the common room. Alone, he lay there sobbing into carpet that lined the Gryffindor Common Room, they very carpet that he and his fellow Marauders had tread upon slightly over twenty years ago. Those friends were gone, and he was alive to make sure that Harry was to survive, and to make sure his friends sprits lived on as well.
"My friends forgive me!" He cried. "That you are gone, that I live, but I live in hell!"
Then he remembered something James had told him the last time they had seen each other. 'There's a reason for everything, you may not like it, but it makes you a better person when you get through it.' Suddenly he knew that he'd have to make his way through the distress, but getting through it would prove that he could, and Harry needs someone strong, and he was the only one left.

Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me,
What your sacrifice was for.
Empty chairs at empty tables,
Where my friends will sing no more...

He pulled himself off the ground, and looked back at the table where he'd never see his friends again, and left the common room to go on to see what tomorrow had in store.

-End-