To whom it May Concern

[Kiara Johnson]

I realize, I am not all that old, nor am I all that young either, I also realize, that some won't hear what it is I am saying, either by choice, or because it is that they just plain don't understand but if this gets to just one person, one mind, one lost soul out there, and if it can help, in any way shape or form, to make them realize what it is, they hold in this life time, then my words will never be for naught.

There are times, in life, when you have to make a decision, as to rather you should hold your head up high, and swallow everything you feel, because if you don't, you may kill everyone and everything that has caused you pain or is causing you pain, or, you can act on those feelings without harm to another, you can show them in other ways, express them, let others know how it is you feel, try and understand them yourself, the why's and the how. Then there are times in your life, when you need to let go of those feelings of great hatred, and anger, in order to keep a semblance of who you are, and what it is, you wish to become in your life. Furthermore, there are times, times that it seems there is nothing but darkness that surrounds you, with no escape and you just simply can't see the light, or lights, shining, no matter how small, trying to guide you.

In these times, one more often than not, either can't see, or refuses to see the people around them that hold a proverbial candle to light their way, they can't feel the gentle touch on their elbow, trying to guide them, trying to assure them that things will be fine. Sometimes, just sometimes as well, one tends to not notice how strongly, or deeply they cut the ones they love, though of course, one doesn't mean to, it happens all the same.

I have had many people taken away from me over the years, seen my fair share of death, both physical and mental, to know that these words I say are truth. In my time here on this planet, I too, have fallen to that place that even myself had once called, comfortably numb, yes, I still struggle with it, with defying what it means to actually feel. However, I have also come to learn, that I would much rather, feel the searing pain of hate, or loss, than to ever again, fall into that pit of gray matter, where nothing but cool calm resides. Why? Because that is what makes me human, these feelings that are so horribly ripping and tearing, that is human, that is what I know, for that is what I am. I am a living, breathing being who feels deeply for others, as well as for myself, I try to make a living the best I can, and do things, in a manner that will bring smiles to the faces around me, and to my own, I try and I try, and more often than not, I do succeed, even sometimes, at the cost of my own happiness, I do succeed.

Yes it hurts to say good-bye to loved ones, yes, it hurts to see yourself lost, without direction, yes, you will find yourself in a position where you think it can get no worse, where you feel that you just want to die even, but one only needs to look up, and they can always see the hand of a friend reaching down to them, to pull them up, out of the graying mist. One only needs to look to the left, and see that shining smile of a father, or mother, there to guide them. As well, one only need to look to the right, to know, there is always helping hands to dust them off, and remove the thorns from ones eyes, even if those hands are not familiar, they are there, and they have been placed there for reasons.

So, make of this what you will, I guess my final words are that we all have a friend, even if we aren't acquainted with them, we all have and we all have a parent, we just need to learn to open up to them, and we all have a life, and we all dream of hope, even if it does get smashed along the trail we make through life, it is always there, we just need to look a bit harder sometimes to regain it.

Huggles to all of you

~K~

[Neo]

First of all, very well written.

Secondly, I would just like to add that I too (and to the best of my knowledege many on this site) have been in places like that. It truly takes an act of God to bring you out of those places, to try and see the goodness in the world which is obstructed by all the evil. My expierance was a little different, instead of being numb to everyone, it was just pure darkness. Thankfully though I was finally able to leave that place.

I guess I'll just finsish by also adding that anyone who reads this and has found themself in the same posistion: keep your head up, and don't let yourself fall into passivity, you can get out of those places as long as you rely on yourself and on your loved ones, they can and will help.

[Kiara Johnson]

THanks for your reply Neo  :)

Huggles
~K~

[goblet_fulla_fire]

I grew up with this. Trying to recognize the goodness in your life, while others gave up on that, because they don't know what is the point of clinging to something that isn't there. Even though there is goodness there, it isn't something that can be found by looking through a window nor it isn't something that you can expect to be knocking on your door.

I've noticed people at my school, neighborhood, and even a few of my elder friends focus inwardly on themselves so they can figure out a way to make problems go away. They become so focused, that they forget to look to the other people in their life.

Long ago, a man once lost his wife in a car wreck. It was possible that his wife was pregnant, but due to the damage of the car wreck, he never found out. He focused outward, to people, to Jesus. Nobody ever told me what happened to him after the wreck, but I didn't have to be told, because that man is now the priest of my church.

Sometimes life can keep you down,
with your face in the dirt,
but if you feel down on life,
you need to get up and go to Church.


Stay strong, and don't get down in life.

[pig]

 what evryone has said i can understand  and respected it, somtime in evreyone's life you will l go through things that make you want to give up and Kiara your right that part of being human if we didnt have feelings what would  be the point of living every single one of us is diffrent special  .

in all of my life ive allways had somone saying that i would never succed just because i had i learning disabilty even my sister would do it  but i never gave up i tried harder just to prove them wrong

[Kiara Johnson]

Thank you all for your wonderful comments I huggle you all

~K~