Dumb Blonde Jokes

[dobby888]

lol thx guys i appreciate it so here you go!!

A blonde, tired of all the jokes and laughs at her expense, dyed her hair brown. One day, while driving her convertible through the countryside, she spotted a farmer and a big flock of sheep. She stopped and said to the farmer, "Mr Farmer, those sheep are sooooo cute. If I can guess how many you have, will you give me one?"
"Sure", said the farmer. "92!" the blonde confidently said.
"Well, I'll be! That's right," said the farmer. "Go ahead and take your pick"
She picked up a cute little animal and started back to her car.
"Miss," said the farmer, "if I can guess the true color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Blonde #1: That backpack you're carrying sure looks heavy! What have you got in there?
Blonde #2: Watermelons!
Blonde #1: If I can guess how many watermelons are in your backpack, would you let me have one of them?
Blonde #2: If you can guess how many watermelons are in my backpack, I'll let you have both of them!
Blonde #1: Are there three?

From "Jest a Minute"-VFW Magazine- Highway patrolman notices the car in front of him being driven in an erratic manner. Pulls up alongside and sees this blonde gong donw the road wile knitting as she drives - Trooper rolls down his passenger window and says "Pull over!" "No," she says glancng his way. "Its a scarf."

[LordBlaZe]

lmao that's jkz

[Kiara Johnson]

A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.

"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.

"You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde.

"I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.

"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"

The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".



A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

[dobby888]

oh yeah ive heard both of those, but they're really quite funny.....

One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Ohio were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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The speaker was telling the blonde female audience how dumb blondes were. The audience screamed and cursed him. He chose an audience member and brought her up on stage. How much is 300 and 300. 650? Wrong. Give her another chance, give her another chance, they yelled. How much is 110 and 110? 250? Wrong. Give her another chance, give her another chance. How much is 2 and 2? 4? Give her another chance, give her another chance they yelled.
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A blonde is in a car accident and survives, but her car is covered in dents. She visits an auto body shop and asks the man how much it would cost, but finds she cannot afford to fix her car. "I do have a solution for you that you can do yourself."
"Oh yeah," says the blonde, "what's that?"
Deciding to have some fun he said, *You put your mouth over the exhaust pipe and blow really hard. The dents just pop right out*
So the blonde went home and tried this, but it didn't work. She went to her blonde friend and told her about this. She replied, "Well of course THAT won't work, you have to roll up the windows first!"

[LordBlaZe]

lol those are all good, d**n jessie how many more do you have!!! lol keep it up ;D

[Lola_La_Fringe7]

omg toataloy HIlarious

[dobby888]

I've told you before, an endless supply!!!!

So this American, a Russian, and a blonde were sitting in a bar. The American and the Russian were reliving the old Cold War days, each arguing their superiority in the space race. The American said, "Look, Nicolai, you can't deny we made it to the moon first!"

After a bit more banter, the blonde sighed and rolled her eyes. She said, "Neither of you is so great. In fact, we blondes are getting together and we're going to be the first to go to the sun." The American and the Russian looked puzzled and asked her to repeat herself. She said it again, that blondes would be the first to go to the sun.

The Russian said, "But don't you know that it's impossible? You'd burn up!" The blonde replied, "Well, duh, that's why we would go at night."
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there was three girls at a dance a brunette, red head, and a blonde. a guy comes up to them and says if a guy comes up to you and askes you to dance say your concentrating on holy matrimony and you'll like to keep it that way. so a guy comes up to them and askes the brunette to dance and she says she concentrating on the holy matrimony and she'll like to keep it that way. he says"ok" then he goes up to the red head and askes would you like to dance and she says shes concentrating on the holy matrimony and she'll like to keep that way he says ok then askes the blonde would you like to dance and she says im constipated on macoroni and she'll like to keep it that way.

[Lola_La_Fringe7]

omg omg omg omg omg lol lol lololololoololololololoollolololoololloolololololol

[Roniloveyou:)]

oh wow, i'm in a super bad mood and still laughed my butt off, thankyou  :)

[dobby888]

oh no!!!! these should cheer you up and get you out of your down!!!!

Theres a blonde and a red head sitting in a sportsbar watching the seven o'clock news. On the news there was a man about to comit suicide by jumping off a tall building. The red head says "I'll bet you twenty bucks that he will jump. "Ok" says the blonde,"I'll bet you twenty bucks he won't jump. Sure enough the man jumps off the building. The blonde takes out a twenty and gives it to the red head but the red head says "I'm sorry I can't take it because I already saw the five o'clock news". The blonde says,"well so did I but I didn't think that he'd jump again." 
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Two sisters, ablonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after a few years, they fall into fincial trouble. In order to avoid losing the ranch, they need to buy a new breeding bull. The brunette is chosen to go in search of a good bull, and will contact the blonde when she finds one so the blonde can come with the stock trailer and fetch the bull.
The brunette finally finds a good bull and buys it, then goes into town to telegraph the blonde to come get the bull.
She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I bought a bull and I need her to drive out here and get it.
The telegraph clerk tells her that it will be .99 cents a word. But she only had $1.00 left after paying for the bull. After thinking for a moment, she says, "I want you to send the word 'comfortable'."
The clerk shakes his head and asks, "How is she going to know what you need her to do if you only send theword 'comfortable'?"
She explains, "My sister is blonde. The word is big. She'll read it slowly... Out loud...'com-for-da- bull'."
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lol I just love those!!!!!

[Roniloveyou:)]

omg too funny!!!  :) these are helping  :)

[dobby888]

lol ok good!!!!

Two blondes stand on the deck of a cruise ship, watching the moon rise over the ocean. "Wow, that's so pretty," says one. The other: "Yeah. [pause] I wonder which is farther away, the moon, or Florida?" The first blonde: "Well duh! Can you see Florida from here?" 
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The blonde took her car to the garage because it was running rough. The mechanic returned to the waiting room in about 15 minutes and told her that the car was ready to go - running smooth.
"Oh, that was quick." said the blonde.
"Yeah, just crap in the carbburetor," the mechanic replied.
"Oh, goodness," said the blonde, "How often do I have to do that?"

[Roniloveyou:)]

lmao!!! wow serious giggles escaped reading those ;D

[Lola_La_Fringe7]

so awesome

[dobby888]

lol ok!!

A Blonde went into a diner and ordered a cup of coffee. She noticed a peel off label on the cup. She peeled it off and started screaming "I've won a motor home". The waitress rushed over and tried to calm her down and explain that a motor home was not one of the prizes. The blonde refused to listen and continued to scream "I've won a motor home!". The manager finally came over to explain that her claim was not possible so she showed him the sticker and he read "Win A Bagel" 
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A teacher giving his class an oral quiz turns to a blonde and asks "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear him/"

She says "I need to know, if the vacuum turned on."