Hermione's Secret Diary-Year 4

[Kiara Johnson]

bump

[Draco_M]

Good.. go on Allie

[Lily_Evans]

September 14


I just had the strangest dream.

I dreamt that the Weasleys' car came flying up to my window, and I climbed out and got in. I flew all over Hogwarts, and out to Hogsmeade. I was all by myself in the car, and then suddenly I heard a noise behind me. I turned around, and Winky was sitting there, looking absolutely terrified. I said, "Winky, what on earth are you doing in here?" But she only replied, "I is not liking heights, Miss, I is not liking heights!" I said, "Don't worry, I'll land us on the ground, hold on tight." And then I turned to the wheel, and realized I have no idea how to drive a car.

That's when we started to plummet from the sky, and I looked down, and there was a whole mass of Death Eaters standing there below me, with Lucius Malfoy at the head of them, pointing his wand at me and laughing – I heard him say, "Imperio!"

And then I woke up. But it was so vivid... more like a memory than a dream. Have you ever had one like that?

Yes.

It was awful – but in a way, I'm glad I've had a good, strong dream – usually I forget them right when I wake up. And Professor Moody told us that examining our dreaming mind can help us to master our subconscious. It's a really good technique for learning to resist the Imperius Curse. He said it's possible to train your mind so that you're aware you're dreaming. You can be asleep, but conscious that you're in a dream – it's called lucid dreaming – and then you can control what happens in the dream state. Isn't that an odd thought? Professor Moody says that's the best way to practice breaking out of the Imperius Curse, and he says that writing down dreams helps to remind your mind to ask itself if it's conscious, the next time you're asleep. Strange....

I guess between hearing that, and studying the curses, and all this work with S.P.E.W., my mind had a lot to deal with. I wonder why that flying car was in the dream, though? I haven't thought about that car since second year. So bizarre.

It's only five in the morning – I just wanted to write down the dream before I forget it.

Go back to bed.

Okay. 'Bye.

**
September 9 (Ron's Rants)

Harry and I both finally caved and bought those spew badges. Two sickles for something I'll never wear – but it was worth it to quiet her down. At first I told her I'd only buy one if she could go a whole day without saying the word "elf", but she gave me such a dirty look that I took it back.

Fred and George are so up to something. Don't know what it is. But if it's the Wheezes they ought to at least tell me. I'm their brother.

[Lily_Evans]

September 18


May I just say that I am extremely disappointed in Hogwarts? All this time, I considered my school to be the best in the world – it's touted as being the most open-minded program, it consistently turns out the best educated students, it admits more Muggle-borns than any other school and our staff is the most highly credited. It's all in "Hogwarts, A History".

NOWHERE in "Hogwarts, A History" does it mention that we are all colluding in the oppression of a hundred slaves! I know. I must've read that book cover to cover three times – all of it – over a thousand pages. Not once are the house-elves mentioned. So what I've concluded is this: our school's victory and world-class standing comes at the expense of other creatures' freedom, and therefore loses much of its dignity. We should all be ashamed of ourselves for bringing the Triwizard delegates from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang to stay with us, which will only add to the elves' burdens. We should all be ashamed that we take so much from the elves without a thought to their condition. Every meal, I try and bring it to the attention of my fellow students.

Not that anyone is listening to me.

S.P.E.W. is not going over very well, I take it?

That is a gross understatement. Harry and Ron finally bought badges, but I think it was only to make me go away. Don't they know me at all? There isn't going to be any "going away". This is a very serious issue, and they must collaborate with me. But they won't wear the badges, and they won't talk to anyone about the statement, and they won't distribute leaflets, and they've taken to doing their homework with a vengeance so that every time I come in the room to ask them something about S.P.E.W., they say, "Busy! Homework!" The other day, I came in and found them finished with all their assignments, and so went to go over the new list of members with them –

You've got new members?

Yes. Neville joined up. So I was going to tell them about that, and they both started whining at once when they saw me coming with my parchment and my badge-box. "C'mon, we've only just finished this essay!" "Hermione, do you know the meaning of the words 'down time'?"

"I suppose the elves who lit that fire over there get 'down time'? I suppose they get 'down time' every day, between making you all your meals, changing your sheets, and cleaning out the castle halls? They don't get breaks you know, they're not unionized or anything." Harry sighed and pretended to start reading something, but Ron flatly refused to participate with me.

"Fine, go stick them in a union then, I'm not having a spew meeting."

"S. P. E. W. And if you say 'spew' one more time, I swear I'll –"

"What? You'll what? Hex me?"

"I might!"

"Oh, come off it."

"No, I'll do it!"

"Oooooh, Hermione, that's against the rules."

"I'll risk it."

"Go ahead, then, let's see you!"

"You'll be sorry in a minute."

"So, Hermione, how's it going with spew?"

Harry got between us pretty quickly at that point, and said, "Hermione – put that down, put your wand down – Ron, what are you, an idiot? Come on, what did you want to tell us?"

I said, "I just wanted to tell you – and you ought to write this down, Harry, you're secretary after all – that we have another member of S.P.E.W., and it's Neville. He bought a badge, and I went over the plan of action with him, and he seemed to think it a cause worth fighting for, even if some people do not. Are you going to write that down or not, Harry?"

I don't think it's going very well. Four members, two of whom don't act like members, one who.... well, I like Neville very much, but I hardly think he'll be a top-of-the-form activist. I'm very discouraged.

But I'm not giving up. I have to go, Gwen, we've got Astrology in twenty minutes. I'll let you know how things progress. If they progress. 'Bye.

[Lily_Evans]

September 18

Trelawney gave Harry and me full marks for our homework, and held it up as a star example for the whole class. It's very satisfying to snow a teacher, I don't know why. I felt like I'd won a prize or something, sitting there, watching her fall all over herself for a pack of lies. Blarney, Finnigan calls it. Whatever it is, it's hilarious.


You know what else is hilarious? This elf campaign. I know it shouldn't be – she's so serious about it – but when she gets serious, all I want to do is break her up. But she'll never budge. She was actually going to put a hex on me tonight – she had her wand out and everything – just because I called her Society "spew" instead of "S. P. E. W., Ron! You're so immature!" Oy, shut up.

[Kiara Johnson]

lol, bump

[Draco_M]

bUMP!

[Lily_Evans]

September 26


Hi, Gwen.

I never should have said that thing about school this year being a cinch. It's hard. It's getting to be more work than ever... Well, no, I take that back. For everybody else, this is more work than ever. For me, this is actually just routine. But still, I'm starting to have to stay up later, and get up earlier, and spend more time in the library, which all brings back very stressful memories of last year.

At least I know you're not adding to your waking hours. That's enough for me. Tell me what's been happening at school.

Well today was especially interesting – and embarrassing. Professor Moody did put the Imperius Curse on all of us. He had us fight it – or try to fight it – one by one. At first, I said, "But – but you said it's illegal, Professor. You said – to use it on another human being was –" And he replied that if I didn't like it, I could leave the class. That was the first embarrassing thing. I said "I didn't mean I wanted to go," and I sat down feeling very silly. But it is against the law, no matter whether he and Dumbledore think we should be practicing it. Hmph.

Anyway, the second embarrassing thing was that when he put the curse on me, I couldn't fight it at all. I felt warm and fuzzy and thoughtless, and I heard a little voice in my head saying "Do a handstand against the wall. Do a handstand against the wall." Very weakly, I remember thinking, "That's an odd thing to do in class," but that was the only resistance my mind gave before I put my hands on the floor and kicked my legs up in the air. Lucky I was wearing pants – lucky my sweater is tight enough that it didn't fall down over my face. I went right ahead and did the handstand. I felt like an idiot when he took the curse off me – I was so mad, too, because Harry was able to fight it, and I know he didn't bother practicing any of the mind-mastery techniques.

Harry was able to fight it? That's impressive.

You don't have to rub it in. Professor Moody made him go through it four times, until he could throw it off altogether. He was the only one who could do it. Ron was skipping on every alternate step until lunchtime, and Lavender Brown is still in tears up here because she's embarrassed that Professor Moody made her act like a squirrel. I said, "Why are you so upset, Lavender? Everybody had to do something ridiculous." And she said, "Well, I looked so stupid! And right in front of.... oh, never mind."

Right in front of whom?

I know. That's what I asked, but she didn't answer. Parvati came over, put her arm around Lavender and said, "He didn't care – he didn't notice – he looked like even more of an idiot, really - bouncing 'round like a giant frog and saying 'ribbit' – you don't have anything to worry about."

That's when I knew it was Seamus. And I remember last year, she was all hung up on getting in that carriage with Seamus and Dean, and I didn't know which one she liked... well, now I do. Lavender was so angry with Parvati for slipping up in front of me. She said, "Don't you dare tell those boyfriends of yours, Hermione, I'm serious, I'd die!"

Boyfriends! Honestly.

I said, "Please, Lavender, don't worry. I'd never tell – I'd never go running to the boys on things like this." She said, "Just don't. You don't know how it feels."

Oh, don't I? But of course I didn't say anything about that – I just bit my tongue. It's one thing for me to know that Lavender likes Seamus. It is quite another thing for her to know that I... I just don't need that kind of.... they'd make such a big deal of everything. I don't need those two making girly eyes at me all year and giggling all over the place! It's bad enough they've offered to show me a spell to take off all my leg hair. I don't want to know. Of all the extra charms to go and learn, and that's the one they pick? Although it does sound easier than shaving the Muggle way.... but I just don't think there's any point. I mean, who's going to see my legs in the middle of autumn?

Well, you never know.

Oh, yes, I certainly do! They're my legs and I'll say who sees them!

I'm actually quite happy to hear that.

Gwen... what do I do?

About what?

The girl things. Am I supposed to do all this stuff, even if I don't want to?

No. You don't have to do any of it until you feel ready.

How do I know I feel ready?

You just know.

Ugh. Why do all the important questions have such vague answers?

Oh, Hermione. Someday you'll read back over this, and... well never mind. I promise you, you'll know. It may be vague, but it's the answer.

All right. Well, I've got to go, I've got to –

Study?

Mm-hmmm.

Ah, we're back in the rhythm of things. Goodnight, Hermione.

Goodnight.

[Lily_Evans]

September 26

That was a real bummer. I couldn't throw that Imperius Curse even a little. I heard the voice in my head say, "Skip around the room, skip around the room!" And I just went ahead and did it. I'd gone around the room once already before I heard another voice in there, saying, "You look like a goon." But even then I couldn't throw it.

Harry could, of course. Harry can do all the important things. Curses, and Quidditch, and... you know, it's not fair of me to think like that, he's got enough problems, what with worrying about Sirius, and I'm just not going to be that way. He can throw the curse. Good on him.

[Kiara Johnson]

bump

[Lily_Evans]

October 7

Hi, Gwen. Ha.

What's so funny?

Oh, it's not funny. It's just.... Professor McGonagall said today that I remain the only person in her class who has managed to turn a hedgehog into a satisfactory pincushion. I'm trying not to be too pleased with myself...

I see you're not succeeding. But congratulations on the compliment.

Thanks. It's always nice when Professor McGonagall says something like that, because she's so conservative with her praise – and it's extra nice to hear it when I've worked so hard to get that bit of Transfiguration down properly. She says we've entered a very important phase of our magical education, and that's why the workload is getting so heavy. Our O.W.L.'s are at the end of next year, and I for one intend to be ready for them.

Considering you have nearly two years to prepare, I'd say you're in very good shape.

Two years might seem like a long time, but it isn't. It'll be here in a blink, and if I don't get enough O.W.L.'s.... then I can't be a witch.

I don't think there's much question of whether you'll pass the O.W.L.'s.

But Gwen, I want to ace them. I want to be the best witch in the world – I'm not kidding. And everybody who thinks you have to be a pure-blood to be worth anything will have to eat their words.

Did Malfoy say something to you?

Not Malfoy. He hasn't said a word since Professor Moody turned him into a ferret. It was Pansy. She was standing off with Millicent, who was complaining about her dress size, I think, because I heard Pansy saying "At least you don't have teeth the size of that elf-loving Mudblood."

Ron and Harry both glared over at her, which normally would have made me feel better. But this time it just made me feel worse because Pansy didn't even say my name. It's just obvious she was talking about me, because I'm the only one with teeth like that. It's enough to make me smile with my mouth shut for the rest of my life.

Hermione – you're also the only one in your class who's got a campaign going for elf rights, and one of the only Muggle-borns. Those are all things that make you recognizable.

You know what? Fine. My teeth are big. Pansy and Millicent and Susie Raviski and everybody else who wants me to feel bad have been drilling it into my head for years.

But I am not a Mudblood – my blood is perfect – and anybody who has another opinion is welcome to talk to me after I've flattened them in every possible witching test. I'll bet Pansy can't turn a hedgehog into a proper pincushion. That is all I have to say. Ha.

[Lily_Evans]

October 7

Pansy Parkinson is an ugly git. She and her ogre friend can just go drown in the lake. I'm sick of the Slytherins making my friends feel bad – yeah, Hermione's got big teeth, so what? I've got a million freckles and Harry's got a big fat scar in the middle of his face. And Parkinson's got a pug-nose like nothing I've ever seen, so I don't know what she's playing at. She's just an idiot, like her boyfriend.

God, what an ugly thought, those two together. I'm going to retch.

***
October 16


Gwen, I only have a minute – they've really started piling on the schoolwork – I just wanted to pop in and explain that if I don't ever write in here again, it's because I've been killed.

After three and a half years... what is it this time?

More of a joke this time, actually. Well, sort of a joke – at least, Snape thinks it's funny. He's having us research antidotes for poisons. He's says he'll do a test before Christmas to see if we've done thorough reading.

I almost don't want to ask this... what kind of test?

He says he'll poison one of us, and see if the antidote we brew is effective. We walked out of class and Harry said, "Well, I always wondered how I'd die. Now I know."

He thinks he'll be the one poisoned?

Well, that's the most likely outcome, although I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he poisoned me as his second choice. And Neville said, "Harry, you know Snape, he'll use my antidote – Hermione, you have to sit by me the rest of term and make sure I don't mess it up."

Oh, he said that, did he?

Yes, and he's right. Snape will use Neville's antidote, because he knows it's most likely to fail. I remember when he tried to kill Neville's toad with his Shrinking Solution. He's awful. Of course I'll sit by Neville the rest of term – I don't want Harry getting poisoned to death in class. Or me, for that matter.

I wonder... is Neville wearing his S.P.E.W. badge around?

He usually forgets, but he does if I ask him to . Why?

Just wondering how things were going with your Society.

Oh, well that's a whole separate can of worms, isn't it? Fred and George refuse to buy badges. They say the elves are happy, and they won't take part in "making a mess of things." Parvati and Lavender both say they think it's rather sad that the elves are so mistreated, but they also admitted they'd die before wearing the badges. So shallow! And a lot of people are treating it like a joke. I'll come 'round with the badge-box and things, and Lee Jordan will say things like "Stand aside, she's on a crusade!" Ha, ha, ha. Isn't it just so funny. What a bunch of prats.

Anyway, Gwen, I don't have time to complain about my very lazy and corrupt peer group. I have to go research antidotes so that none of them get killed in Potions.

Good luck.

Thanks. See you.

[Hermione~Granger]

wow this is pretty good . . . .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lily_Evans]

October 21


Could there be any more homework? (Yes, there could, if I were still taking Muggle Studies and Divination.) Do you see what's happening here? I'm already starting to talk to myself, and that can't be good.

Actually, isn't that supposed to be healthy?

I imagine it is, if you're insane. I don't think I'm quite there yet – although, another essay on the goblin rebellions for Professor Binns might put me over the edge. He now has us doing them on a weekly basis. It's teaching me a lot about non-human revolutions, though – if it's possible for the goblins, it's possible for the elves. Especially considering that elfish magic is much more deeply powerful than that of the goblins, who can really do little more than hex and slaughter – their magic is limited to nasty sorts of things. Elves, on the other hand can Apparate and everything. They're practically human.

The problem is that goblins are naturally cantankerous, won't follow the code of wand use, so the little magic they have gets exercised to its fullest – and that's enough to keep people from being able to overthrow them. The elves, however, obey the law one hundred percent – it's a rare elf that'll use its magic. Dobby was an extremely rare case – the fact that he even came to visit Harry shows that he was a very strong elf, capable of throwing off centuries of oppression in the face of what he knew was right. I have a lot of respect for Dobby. I wonder whatever happened to him when he went free?

Harry hasn't heard from him?

No, not since second year, when he tricked Lucius Malfoy into giving Dobby that sock. Oh, I wish I could have seen the look on Mr. Malfoy's face! Wonderful! You see – Harry knew it was right to free Dobby, because he knew Dobby on a personal level. Everybody thinks of these elves as just an impersonal race of creatures – they don't have individual contact with them, they don't know their personalities. If I could put a face on this campaign.... if people could see what's happening to these elves, individually.... I have to find a way to meet them. I wonder where they sleep? I skimmed back through "Hogwarts, A History" the other day to make sure I hadn't missed any little detail. I hadn't. The elves are like a phantom presence – not even respected enough to be noted in our school's history volume. They shouldn't even call it "Hogwarts, A History". It should be titled, "A Revised History of Hogwarts" or "A Highly Biased and Selective History of Hogwarts, Which Glosses Over the Nastier Aspects of the School."

However, I did find one interesting fact in there that I hadn't remembered. One of the final Triwizard Tournaments was held here, before the whole tournament was suspended. In 1792, a thingyatrice the champions were supposed to catch got loose and attacked all three of the school headmasters. I don't know how I feel about this whole tournament, Gwen.

I'm sure that didn't happen every time.

I can't even find out. I went to the library and checked to see if there was any record of the tournaments. I wanted to find out what kinds of tasks the champions are expected to face – but there isn't any list. There's just a register of the years tournaments were held, the names of the champions chosen, and the winners. The register notes that the tasks are not recorded because it was likely that a task might be used again in the future, and future champions should not have the advantage of knowing what kinds of things were faced in the past. As if anybody could memorize and combat five hundred years' worth of tournament tasks.

You'd attempt to, if you were champion.

That is not the point. Oh, Gwen. I want to stay and complain about everything in the world that's unfair, but I can't. I have to write about goblins. I think I'll add a side note about the elves. Maybe Professor Binns has an opinion on the subject.

Yes, see what he says.

See if he notices, more like. Sometimes I wonder if he really reads our papers thoroughly. He's so very tired and old and... dead. Anyway, I'll talk to you soon. 'Bye.

[Lily_Evans]

October 23


They're coming, they're coming in a week!

Beauxbatons and Durmstrang?

Yes! The sign went up tonight, it says they'll be here on Friday, the 30th, and we'll be having a welcoming feast! I can't wait to see what they're all like. Beauxbatons is mostly French, I imagine. I've spent some time in France – I wonder if any of them are from any of the cities and villages I visited? And Durmstrang... well, it'll be fascinating to see what they're like, I suppose, but I have to admit I'm rather biased against them. They learn far too much about the Dark Arts to be very trustworthy, in my opinion. What do students my age need to know about putting curses on people? Learning how to block them is enough. Knowing how to hurt somebody is like having a loaded gun. And Dad always says that there's no need for that unless you're planning to shoot.

Well, but what about self-defense?

That's what counter-curses are for – although I doubt Professor Moody would agree with me. Draco Malfoy certainly doesn't, he thinks it's ridiculous that we only learn defense. Yes, I'm sure he'd love to know how to perform the Cruciatus Curse on someone – probably me. Not that I've anything to worry about on that score – Malfoy's a lot meaner than he is bright. He probably couldn't learn it properly even if he were taught. Hagrid took him down a notch or two today – it was very satisfying.

What happened?

Oh, Hagrid was giving us some extra homework – we're to go down to his cabin on alternate evenings and track the growth and "extraordinary behavior" of the skrewts. They're really nasty, Gwen, they're getting long, and their shells have thickened, and now when they burst fire out their ends it's really dangerous. I don't know what Hagrid's on about – didn't he learn anything last year with the Hippogriffs? Can't we ever practice caring for some nice, pretty, docile magical creatures? I know I'd like a chance at that. But no, we'll probably graduate straight to dragons from these beasts. Dear Hagrid.

Anyway, when he said we were to come down on alternate evenings, Malfoy said, "I will not. I see enough of these foul things during lessons, thanks." Hagrid glared at him and said, "Yeh'll do wha' yer told, or I'll be takin' a leaf outta Professor Moody's book... I hear yeh made a good ferret, Malfoy."

Good for Hagrid! Oh, that's excellent.

Yes, it was tremendously funny, all the Slytherins scowled while the Gryffindors laughed fit to kill. We were already in a wonderful mood when we found the sign up about the Triwizard Tournament. I'm still in high spirits, even though Ron said something to make me blush.

Hmmmm?

Quit it. It's nothing like that. We were just standing there, and he was up on tiptoe reading the sign because he's the tallest, and then we heard Ernie Macmillan say, "Only a week away! I wonder if Cedric knows? Think I'll go and tell him." Ron said, "Cedric?" And Harry said, "Diggory. He must be entering the tournament."

Which is when Ron said, "That idiot, Hogwarts champion?" Which doesn't make any sense, because Cedric Diggory is not an idiot. Ron just doesn't like him because he beat Gryffindor at Quidditch. I've heard he's a really good student – and he's a prefect – and I told Ron so.

And then he looked at me with his eyes all narrowed and said, "You only like him because he's handsome."

Ah. Is that so.

Yes, and I said, "Excuse me, I don't like people just because they're handsome!" And I don't! The last time that happened was in second year, and I have made a conscious effort not to get carried away by looks ever since then.

But Ron remembers that I acted like an idiot, and he made this big, loud, fake coughing noise that sounded like, "Lockhart!" And that's when I blushed. Why does he have to remember that? It's probably the only time in my whole life that I was so embarrassingly obvious. And I know that Ron never liked Professor Lockhart, even before we found out he was a cheating liar – but why can't he just forget the way I acted? I know I was stupid to write all those cards and things, but Ginny did the same thing with Harry, and he doesn't tease her anymore. Why oh why does he have to remember it with me?

Why? Oh, Hermione, you must have noticed that when you go around liking people, it bothers Ron quite enough to make him –

Erm. Gwen, you don't really have to answer, it was really more of a rhetorical –

You sent Professor Lockhart a fan letter. And you kept his get-well card under your pillow. And you stood up for him all year long until you got Petrified. And every time you did those things, Ron got upset. Remember?

Gwen, I have to go. I have – I have a lot of homework – I have to go –

Hermione –

No – no – I have to go.

Are you all right?

I'm fine – I just have to get out of the common room and get some air or –

Oh dear. I shouldn't have said –

No, that's fine, you're fine, just – Gwen, he's sitting right here, okay? I have to go. See you later.