Harry Potter Fan

(Seth)

When did life get this way?

Avalee sat in the herbology shack. It was relly the only place that could truly calm her down. She had her arms were crossed and were down on a table. She buried her head in her arms. The smell of this place really callmed her down. The smell of dirt and flowers made her feel at home.

This was the kind of moment that she wished she had a mom or aunt that she could talk to. Or a sister. But she didnt have that. She didn't even have a friend.

She sat there and waited for Seth. She had sent him an owl a few hours ago, asking him to meet her. They could at least act civil. Right?

"I got your owl...." Seth's voiced said gently as he entered through the doorway. He was leaning against the frame, his muscular arms crossed. He had on a thick yellow hoodie and jeans. Dragonhide boots protected his feet from the snow. But he was always warm. He didn't really need them. He saw her at the table, her head buried into her arms. He frowned and stepped into the shack, walking to the seat next to her and pulling out a chair, sitting down and facing her.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

Avalee sat up when she heard him enter the room. She look down at her outfit. A big tshirt from a band she loved, under a large black fleece jacket. Axel's ring was cold against the skin of her chest. She had hidden it under her shirt. Her favorite blue skinny jeans did little to keep her legs warm, but her boots did a remarkable job at protecting her feet from the cold snow.

She shook her head at him. She turned around in her chair, looking at him.
"How long have you known he was back?" Avalee asked in a blank tone, hiding her real anger and sadness.

Seth went to speak but sighed instead. Of course, she must have felt betrayed. Seth never told anyone. Not even her. And she was the one who at least deserved to know the truth. He had no choice now. He had to tell her.

"Two months. It was in London." He said quietly. "I was in town and I saw him at a market. I didn't believe it. I circled him, watched him for at least half an hour. And that scent...it was most certainly his. And then I knew. And I left."

Avalee sat there for a moment. Shocked. How could this have happened? She shook her head slightly, angry at first, then a little passive. She twisted he fingers together, popping them. Nervous habit. She bit her lip, then sarcastically smiled.

"You could have told me. I mean, you sort of owe that to me? Don't you think? After what you did?" She looked at him. Her face pained but a little angry. He could have told her. It would have been as easy has sending her an owl.

"You're so blinded by your love that you can't even find fault in Axel." Seth said in response to her.

After what he did? People in that bar were in danger. Axel had lost it. He had no choice but to protect everyone. Avalee herself was in danger. He could have let the place burn down, risk letting people get killed, but he didn't.

"I thought it was better to simply forget and move on."

Avalee shook hEr head at him. Getting angry.

You don't get it Seth! I don't care how toxic you think my love for him was. You don't get to decide that. You don't get to decide what's best for me. You don't even know me. And I doubt you even know Axel."

Avalee knew she was right. Just because she and Axel didn't fight the way Alice and Seth did, didn't mean something was wrong.

    "Maybe I just care about what happens to you!" Seth exclaimed, standing up. "Maybe I didn't tell you because I knew this is what would happen. You would be a wreck! A lovesick wreck!" He went to say more, but just couldn't find the words. He pressed his lips together in frustration, shaking his head.

"I don't know Axel? Pardon me, but did you live with him for like 7 years? Are you family? No. I didn't think so. I know Axel. He's like my brother. My entire opposite. Did you know my family did everything they could to make him feel welcome in our home but Axel was so affected by his parent's deaths that he just hid away in his room all the time? That he wouldn't even play games with me anymore? And when he finally did start coming out, he became a trouble maker and always got punished. That's why he assumes our family hated him. Because he was the one always in trouble."  
  History was rolling off his tongue before Seth could even stop to breathe. He was so angry now, he felt his legs begin to shake.

  "So, let me tell you, Avalee. I know Axel. More than you ever will."

Avalee stood up. No fear in her eyes. Only anger. Her chair fell backwards with a thud. Se kept shaking her head. She was really p!$$ed now. She took a few angry steps toward him.

"No! You didn't accept him! He was never your brother! And you definstely don't give a $h!t about me! You wanna know how I know?!" She was yelling, and now took an angry dramatic pause.

"You KILLED him!" Avalee was really close to him, and was yelling what she had repressed for months now.

"I didn't kill him! And I did it for your fricking protection. Axel's out there back in Hogsmead wandering like a little lost puppy and doing things he shouldn't be doing." Seth got just as close and glared at her. "If I didn't give a nuts about you, I wouldn't be here." He whispered angrily. "I wouldn't have wasted my time walking down here."

"You did kill him, and it wasn't for protection! Don't lie! Its was because you couldn't stop yourself! And the fact that your wife is in love with him? What about that?"

At this point, Avalee was trying to p!$$ him off and send him over the edge. She wanted to push him, and screw with him the way he had with her. Axel was good for her. She knew that. And as long as she knew that, everything was ok. Her mind started to wander to Phoenix, but she stopped herself. That would have to be delt with later.

She wasn't done fighting with Seth yet.

Seth looked like he had just been slapped across the face. He had a pained expression on his face. How could she say something like that? About Alice. It wasn't true. It wasn't. He kept telling himself that. He looked at the ring on his hand and realized something. He realized how naive he had been. For a long time he had urged Alice to marry him. Maybe he was too forceful. It might not have been what she wanted, but just what he himself wanted. He was selfish and ignorant. He was blinded.

  But he wasn't done. He would not end this conversation with him stricken like this.

"Okay then. Believe what you want. Believe that I did it for retaliation. Believe that Axel is going to come back for you. Oh, and believe that love is existant." He turned around and began walking towards the door from whence he came, anger and other emotions swirling together in his head. His heart felt as if it couldn't contain them all.

Avalee felt sorry as her words stung him. She thought that she really couldn't hurt him. She couldn't believe that she did. She felt bad. She didn't know Seth. She didn't. His words stung her to an extent. She had been naive to think that Axel would come back for her, and would only want her and love her.

"Stop. Please? I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." Avalee paused, her stomach twisting inside. She took a few steps forward and nervously grabbed his hand. She knew he was str ing enough to break it, and she though that she might even deserve that at this point.

"I, I just saw them kissing, and it...hurt. Seth, I feel the same pain that you feel. Imagine that someone took Alice away from you. And you thought she was going to be Gone forever. You spend months mourning her. Drinking. Trying to off yourself. Trying to get over it. And then the moment you finally get her back. The first time you see her alive, her lips are kissing someone else? How would that feel? And on top of that, she has been back for months, and didn't bother to tell you. How would you react?"

Avalee looked at him. The sadness that she had felt for almost half a year was crashing down around her.

"I'd feel terrible. Believe me, this hasn't been fun for me either. I...just feel so helpless. I feel like things are closing in around me. This," he said, "was a mistake." It was a reference to the marriage. She may not have understood. It was more for Seth anyway. To finally admit it. His eyes found hers, searching for something in them. Understanding? He didn't really know. But something overcame him as he lifted his hands to her cheeks and brought his lips onto hers.

Avalee understood what he ment. They were all so young. Even the old vampire Alice was young in maturity. Life was so screwed up. It always screwed up. Avalee thought about it. Ever since the first time she had kissed Aiden, her life had been screwed up. And she was young, naive, stupid, and impulsive. In that moment she had expected to be hit, or Seth could just have walked right out, letting go of her hand.

But then he put his hands on her face and kissed her.

She was in shock. There were two things she could have done in that moment. The first; she could have pushed him off and yelled at him or run away. She could have been furious. He was married. And Avalee knew from experience that kissing a married man with a wife that already didn't like her was a totally idiotic idea.

But she couldn't help herself. In the moment she couldn't do anything. She opened her eyes, and met his. They held an understanding that made her feel not so alone. Without a conscious decision, so moved her lips against his and kissed him back. It was so screwed up, but in the kiss she let loose all the passion and anger she had built up.

She intwined her fingers in his hair, and let herself kiss him.

           Seth pulled himself away from her before he do anything else, leaning back against the door frame. He just stared at Avalee, almost as if he were in some sort of trance. He couldn't think straight. New thoughts were entering his mind. New and strange. But he actually smiled. And he the smile left when he realized what he did.

"I'm so sorry." He breathed. "I...I wasn't think--I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He covered his face with his hand.

Avalee stood there for a few seconds. Her mouth was agape. Shocked. Had she really just kissed him? It wasn't just that. They had both enjoyed it. She found herself wanting Seth, turned on by the kiss. Her breath came quickly. She was so shocked at the way she had acted. She found herself wanting to tell him that his wife would never have to know. Why did she want him so bad?

She snapped he jaw shut. Then opened her mouth again. She shook her head at his words.

"I kissed you back." She stated this simply and quietly. She slowly walked over to him. She took the hand off his face and put it on her hip. She took his other hand and placed it on her back. She leaned forward, pressing her body against his. Lust, confusion at what was happening, and most of all loneliness showed in her eyes.

She shut her eyes after looking into his, and slowly kissed him.

((Um...I wish you could have seen my face while reading this. Like...it was priceless. Wow.))


You're stupid.
       She deserves it.
Alice betrayed you.
        You're betraying her.
Seth's thought's were raging. But he quit thinking all together when Avalee spoke. She was controlling him now, like a puppet master and he was the puppet. Their bodies pressed together in the heat of the moment, their lips doing all the work. At this moment, he just didn't care anymore.

((I swear I don't controll Avalee sometimes! This is crazy.))

This was wrong. She loved Axel. But she knew what this was for both of them. This was revenge. They were using each other. They were using each other to get back at the ones that they really loved. That was all this was. That was all.

I love Axel. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. She thought.

It was like she couldn't stop anything. Like she couldn't control anything. She wanted to cry. Wanted to run. Wanted Axel to love her, not Alice. Never Alice.

She pulled back for a moment. Testing to see if she was kissing him, or if they were kissing each other. Testing to know what the he'll was happening. No way Axel or Phoenix would love her now.

Seth breathed when she pulled back, watching her. He pushed back her golden locks of hair. ((Heh. Goldy locks.)) She wasn't anything like Alice. They were nothing alike. What bothered Seth right now was that there was the chance that maybe...just maybe...he had spent all this time chasing after the wrong girl.

  Or this was lust. He couldn't tell at this point. His body was making decisions, not his mind. He wasn't thinking logically. Oh what the heck.

  He pulled her back into him and continued to kiss her.

Avalee was as surprised as ever when he actually pulled her back. So he did want her? What was happening? How did this go from Avalee being angry with Seth for not telling her that Axel was alive, to them making out. This was the last thing she had suspected to happen today.

She once again intwined her fingers in his hair. One hand was in his hair, the other was on his cheek. His hands were still on her back. She took her mouth off of his and moved her lips to his ear. Her thumb from the hand on his cheek moved over toward his lips and traced them gently.

She softly whispered to him, "I can't be that girl, Seth." Hoping he knew what she ment.

Even though she said this, she really didn't want to stop. It might have been lust, but it didn't feel like just that any more.

Seth squeezed his eyes shut at her words and reality set in. He carefull pulled her hands from his face and held them in his.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think. I don't want you to be that kind of girl." He kissed the back of her hand and realized them both, still leaning against the door frame. He couldn't believe what he just did. "I'm not that kind of guy. This isn't me." Seth looked out the window. "I just wanted to know what they were feeling."

Avalee was so torn. What had just happened with Seth wasnf just lust or wanting to know how how they felt. It might have been something more. But they couldn't do this. He was married, and she needed to resolve things with Axel.

"What now?" She asked.

  What now?

   Alice was in love with Axel. She wouldn't admit it, but Seth knew. He just knew. And...he didn't know if he could keep trying to go forth with this marriage if she wasn't in it all the way. He looked at his wedding ring, so new looking and shiny still. Why was he so ignorant?! He tore off the ring, and put it in his pocket.

  He would discuss further actions with Alice. As for Avalee, he would stay away to risk feeling more for her. He didn't want to know what kind of feelings he had for her. To be honest, he was too scared to find out. It was today that he discovered something there between them, and it frightened him.

Axel. He had to avoid him. He had to. That's all there was to it.

  "I don't know." He said. "I don't know."

Avalee got a little sad and looked away. She took his hand that he had just ripped his shiny wedding ring off of. She was actually sad that the moment of passion was over. Maybe it was better though. Seeing him around with Alice might really set her off.

"So are we gonna pretend that this never happened?" She asked in a sad tone. She didn't want to pretend it never happened. It was quite nice, and she did want to continue kissing him.

"I suppose it's better that way." He sighed. He honestly didn't want to pretend it didn't happen either. He wanted the moment to keep going. He wanted it to last. Seth looked at her, studying her. She looked sad and confused. Like he felt.

There were a thousand questions on Avalee's tounge. Would he tell Alice? Would he talk to Axel ever? Should she tell Axel? How should she tell Axel? But right now all she wanted was to kiss him one last time. He was so different from the other guys she had been with. Just different. Forward, and sweet. But he just struck her as the sort of person she really wanted to be with. Comparing him to Axel was unfair and jus weird.

She leaned forward once again, and gently pressed her lips to his.

As she kissed him, he smiled and slipped out of the doorway before anything more could be done or said. But she was kind enough to grant him one last kiss. Now what would happen? He took his ring off. Would he put it on later? Would their problems be worked through? He had a long day ahead of him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
((Shall we continue, but with Avalee and Axel finally talking?))

((Ok. You wanna start a new thread?))

He looked everywhere for her, but he just couldn't find her.

  Where could she be? Axel thought to himself as he walked in what felt like circles around the castle. And then he saw the shack. Avalee loved Herbology. She must have been in there. He ran as fast as he could and searched every room until he found her, sitting at the table. He had the same clothes on as last time. Of course they were clean, but he didn't have a lot at this point. Everything he had was gone. Even his original wand. He bought one at the wand shop but it never did feel right in his grasp. It was cold and his magic was horrible with it.

Axel didn't say anything. He had nothing to say right now. He sat down across from her and just looked at her with weary eyes.

"Hi" She said simply. Knowing he could smell Seth. She knew she had screwed everything up. She loved Axel. She always had. And now he was back. It was some sort of miracle. She knew that she was going to have to fix things. Her hair was messed up, her eyes were wet and tired. She looked up into his eyes and showed how defeated she was. It had been a long six months. She had died inside, tried to kill herself, and had fallen for Phoenix. She still loved Axel. It was always Axel.

"I missed you."
She wished she could replace these words with I love you.

"Hey." Axel replied with a careful smile. He leaned into the table with his elbows. "I missed you too. And...I know I have a lot to explain...."

I love you Axel. I need you to remember that. And I need you to remember that you were dead for six months. And you didn't even try to contact me.

She paused, and sat straighter up, thinking.

I need you to realize that life was absolute hellwithout you. I tried to throw myself off the astronomy tower. I have no friends and Alice and Seth didn't even try to apologize. They said it was your fault. They told me that I never even knew you. That you weren't the person I loved. And you wouldn't come back for me. And you didn't. I was, and still drink far too much. I have all your stuff, and I've had nightmares. She paused again. Taking a breath.

You died in my arms. How was I supposed to deal with that?

Avalee sighed. She hadn't gotten into what happened with Seth, only a half hour earlier...

Axel sighed and remained silent for a little while before speaking.

  "I love you too. And I'm sorry. You know, for what you saw and for what happened over this six month period. After I was revived, I realized I needed time to grow up a little. I needed time to change. I nearly killed people. I hurt others. That's not the kind of man for you. And then...Alice told me you met someone. A professor back at school is what I've heard." He made sure to look her in the eyes. "He can give you a better life than I ever will."

"But I love you."

She paused. Knowing that they needed this out in the open. She shook her head and bit her cracked, chapped lips.

"I know you can smell him in here. On me." She looked down, almost ashamed. Something had happened with Seth. But he was married.

It bothered Axel a little, but not as much as it would have half a year ago. He merely shrugged.

"I don't care, Avalee. I really don't." He said. "What's done is done."

"We kissed, Axel." She said this in a tone like he didn't understand. Did he understand what had happened?

If the places were reversed she would have been furious, she wouldn't have trusted him at all anymore. Kissing the person who killed him? It was ridiculous. Something so wrong.

She could vividly remember the passion and lust in the kiss. And him ripping off the ring...

Axel looked at her now with glaring eyes.

"What the heck do you want me to do, Avalee? You kissed him. Do you want me to go hunt him down for round 2?" Actually, that sounded kinda nice. Payback for the scars he was given.

"Why aren't you hitting me? Why don't I have a red mark on my cheek from being put in my place for being an idiot! How are you not furious with me?! How can you stand to look at me?! He killed you, and I have hated him for so long!"

She was shouting at him. Not understanding. He didn't love her. If he did he would have found her ages ago. As soon as he had come back. Phoenix or not she deserved that much.

Axel pounded the table with his hand.

"What kind of person do you think I am!? I have never ever laid a hand on you and I don't plan to start now. How could you even think that?" It killed Axel that Avalee would think he would hurt her. He wasn't that kind of man. "I never died. You shouldn't hate him. You should hate me! I'm the one who avoided you. I'm the one who never told you the truth!"

Avalee hit her forehead with her palm and shoved her bangs out of her eyes. She deserved to be hit. She knew she did. Axel was just too nice.

"I love you, Axel! And it was hell with you gone! But your back, and I still love you!" She was shouting at him. She just wanted to fix this and be happy again.

"I know...." Axel sighed. "I wish I could take it back. I wish you didn't have to suffer through all of that. It wasn't fair."

 She sat there, and looked at her hands. They clenched into fists and unclenched again. She was so dissapointed in herself. She finally had her chance of winning Axel back, even if he was in love with Alice, and she had f***ed it up. Her blond hair was frizzy from the wetness of the snow, and messed up from her stolen moment with Seth.

Seth..., she thought. What had happened? What was that?! It was crazy. And she still felt all odd inside from it. Did he have feelings for her? She wondered about him. Was he with Alice now? Had they made up, or was his ring off for good? Was it her fault?

"Axel?" Avalee asked quietly, all of a sudden.

 

  "Yes?" He replied, sitting up.




((1 liner!))

"Do you love her?"

Avalee asked this looking at a plant in the corner. She couldn't look in his eyes, not anymore. It was too difficult. Made her too emotional. She already cried too much as it was. It would just be embarrassing to cry now. This question needed to be asked, and ideally, answered.

Still it was awkward to ask. Mostly because she was scared of his answer, but also cause she was afraid of how his feelings for Alice compared to his feelings for Avalee. Alice was married. And Avalee had been mourning him all these months, while he lived.

"I'm not in the condition to be in love right now."
   It wasn't that Axel had fallen out of love with Avalee, but his mind had been through a lot these last six months. He forgot what it was like to be around these people. He didn't know how he felt. When you've been away for so long, feelings in your heart come alive that you didn't know were there.

"I don't know what love is anymore."

Avalee looked painfully up into his eyes.

"Do you love me, anymore? Did you, ever?" She had wondered many times about this. That night at the bar. He was fighting for Alice, surely he had some sort of feelings for her.

Axel's eyes widened.

"Of course I did! I...I do." He pushed his hair back and tried to find the right way to put it. "It's like this. I've changed. I don't remember how I felt before. I don't know what's going on now. I just got back!"

"You've been back for six d**n months. I understand that you needed to figure stuff out, and that life is complicated, love, even more so. But don't toy with me."

Avalee stood up, and pushed back her chair. In the next seconds, she would either kiss Axel, or leave.

"Toy with you? I'm sorry, what exactly do you want me to say?" He stood and pushed back his chair, hands pressed into the wooden table. "Tell me."

"Are you gonna be here? Are you going to stay? Are you going to be with me? Are you going to still be in love with me?" She asked these questions practically begging. It had been so long.

"I don't know! I don't remember how I felt, Avalee! I just don't remember! It's been half a year. I wish I could tell you what's going to happen, but I just can't! You're just going to have to accept it."

Avalee backed away shaking her head, her lips were pressed tightly together.

"I love you Axel. But your different. Just, make up your mind. Because this is too much. Too much stress, too much presure, and too much anxiety." She could feel it in her stomach now.

"This is NOT goodbye. Please, come find me when you figure it all out."

Avalee was so naive. She thought that their reunion would include a nice dinner and lots of kissing. Not screaming at eachother.

Axel sat back down and crossed his arms.


"How about you go back to your smarty professor friend? What are you going to do, blow him off just like that?"

"That is none of yor business. You don't know what's happened, or him." Avalee was pissed now. In fact though, Phoenix was the one who stopped her from suicide.
She took a deep breath.

"I want to make this work. I love you so much. And I know I keep screwing up. I tak back what I said. You are the same guy. You are sweet. You would never hit me. And you have the same adorable res hair and blue eyes you always did. I love you. "

((I likes it!))


"I love you too Avalee. But how can you do that? How can you just do that to that guy? He was actually there for you and now you're throwing him to the wind?" Axel didn't understand what was going on. The decisions being made by everybody were insane.

"Axel! We only started actually dating less than a month ago! He is older than me, and I couldn't actually date him, the school won't let us. If I were to date him, no one at the school could find out. I have no idea how even Alice knows!"

Avalee took a frustrated breath.

"If you're just saying this because you don't want to be with me, just say it. Let me have that little bit of dignity left." If he just wanted to be with Alice, he should tell her, Avalee knew that. And at this point she really didn't think she had a fighting chance. Alice and Avalee were so different. So different. Avalee had mourned him and missed him...Alice had married another man. Avalee thought that what had happened was enough to prove to Axel that she truly loved him. But no. He had seen Alice first off. Not Avalee.

She remembered the ring of his she wore around her neck every day. It was on now. It always was.

"I'm not saying that Avalee! I just don't know what I want! I want to make the right decision because I don't want to end up like Seth and Alice. Unhappy, and making the wrong decisions. I love you but I love Alice too. I can't deny that. I just wanted you to have a chance at happiness because I don't want you to be hurt if my decision goes the opposite of what you want. And I'm not saying that is what's going to happen!" Axel groaned and put his hands in his pockets.

"You and I still have a chance. But I need time."

Avalee shook her head at him.

"And what if you do go off with Alice? What if after two months of being with her, she realizes that she is still in love with Seth? What if she realizes that they just need some time apart and they are still in love? God Axel! I should have known you were in love with her this whole time! Why would you even start dating me, getting me to fall in love with you, when you were wanting to be with her?"

Avalee took no breath. She needed to get this all out.

Axel turned and punched the wall. His old tendencies were starting to come out. He was breathing hard for some reason and waited until his breathing was regulated before turning back around.

"You know what? I'm not doing this. I'm not getting back with you tonight Avalee. I'm just not. And I don't think I will tomorrow, or the next day, or even the day after that. Do you know why? It's because, like I said, I need some time! Can you not accept that!? I did not say I was going to be with her, but you're acting like I just made a decision. I freaking just came back, after half a year, and this is what is brought on to me. I'll tell you what. How about you and Seth continue what you did? I'm not stupid." He made his way out the door and walked around in the snow, trying to think straight. Finally, he just leaned up against the shack, staring angrily at nothing really.

Avalee jumped when he punched the wall. This was ridiculous. She started shaking, scared and infuriated. They had never fought like this. Never. She was p!$$ed now. He had been back for a while. Long enough for him to make a decision. It should have been enough. Love isn't thought through. Love is instant. At least that is what Avalee knew to be true.

"I love you." She said before he could storm out. Did he seriously think that she was just going to go back to Seth. He was being a jerk for no reason now.

"If you want all your sh!t back, send me an owl." She walked past him, and through the snow. She walked through the trees. Avalee wasn't about to let him see her cry. She was trembling, and felt defeated.

She grabbed the ring around her neck, she pulled it off, and put it in her pocket. She really didn't want to think about it.