*Earlier that day Avalee had sent Pheonix an owl*
Pheonix,
We really need to talk
Sorry I haven't been around in a few days
Will you meet me at the coffee shop?
The one we went to together
Thank You
Hope to see you soon
-Avalee
She was very nervous as she walked to the coffee shop. Maybe somewhere public was the wrong choice. Well, it was too late now. Anywhere outside wasn't an option. Avalee was bundled up in a coat, a scarf,
(I'm gonna finish this when I find my computer charger...)
(continued...)
two pairs of socks, warm boots, and fuzzy mittens. None of it mattered. She was still freezing. Warm coffee would be nice. Her heart and stomach were bungy jumping within her abdomen. She had no idea what to say to him. Her feet moved quickly through the pretty white snow, not noticing it's subtle beauty. Too nervous.
She pushed open the door, and smelled the coffee and cinnamon and caramel. Phoenix...gahh this was frustrating.
He was at a table, his head buried into a book he was reading, about half way through. Phoenix wore a black dress shirt and red tie, with gray pants. He was done with classes for the day and was asked to meet Avalee here. Her letter sounded urgent by the looks of her handwriting and choice of words. Maybe she was just in a hurry. While he read, he lifted a cup of tea to his lips and sipped at it carefully, it still steaming and hot.
Avalee smiled when she saw his face. She had missed him. She had forgotten how much her stomach jumped whenever she saw him. This was going to be harder than she thought it would be. She wanted to say hello with a warm kiss but it felt wrong. This was wrong. But it had to be done.
She walked over to Phoenix's table.
"Hi." She said in a small, scared voice.
Something was off about her. She seemed...afraid. Phoenix saw it in her eyes and heard it in her voice.
"Hello." He greeted with a warm smile. "Is everything alright? Your note seemed urgent."
She looked at the floor and shook her head no.
No.
"Avalee...." Phoenix said slowly. "What's wrong? What's going on? Are you alright?" What could be wrong with her? Maybe somebody said something to her, made her upset.
Avalee took a deep breath and sat down. She tried to control the anxiety rushing through her like quick creek, but she couldn't control it.
"Calm down. I'm....fine. Um, I found out yesterday." She paused and took another deep breath.
"Um, Axel is alive. Has been for six months." She looked at the ground like a coward.
"Axel, as in ex-deceased-boyfriend, Axel?" Phoenix pondered on this, on what she said, for a moment, before coming to a realization.
"You don't want to me with me." He stated quietly. "Is that right?"
She ignored his question, shaking her head.
"Let me explain what happened..."
She took a breath and thought for a second.
"Um, he died fighting with his cousin, Seth. His cousin is married to Alice. When I saw him last week he was...kissing Alice. We talked for a second, then I left. I waited for him in a Herbology shack, and his cousin came." At this point Avalee realized that she hadn't even kissed Axel.
"Seth and I fought for a while. And then..." She decided to be honest and say 'we' instead of 'he'. "We kissed."
She took another breath and finished. "He left, realizing that what he had done was wrong. He went back to Alice, with the intention of breaking off the marriage, cause she is obviously in love with Axel. I waited for Axel there. He came. We talked. We fought. And he left...really p!$$ed off at me. He doesn't want me. He wants Alice."
Phoenix listened calmly and intently, even sipping his tea every now and then. And when she was finished, he lightly set down the cup and wiped his mouth with a napkin.
"So what are you thinking about? Why did you ask me to come here?"
She shrugged. She owed it to him.
"I needed to tell you, I think." She really thought that Phoenix needed to know. She really liked Phoenix.
"Well, I appreciate that, but there is a reason you told me. Are you wanting to get back with him? I understand...if you do. He was your first love and all." He leaned back into his chair and waited for Avalee to reply.
"I didn't know at first. I thought it was just all going to go back to the way it was. Which was selfish of me. But...this is reality not some story. He doesn't want me. And I don't deserve you Phoenix."
She looked at the ground and nodded. She didn't deserve him. She knew it.
"I'm...afraid I don't get what you're saying. What do you mean you don't deserve me?" If anything, Phoenix was the undeserving one. Why was she so hard on herself? He frowned and then stood to take his jacket from the back of his chair, swinging it onto his body and straightening it out.
"Maybe you are too young for me." He said, as he zipped up his jacket.
"I keep screwing everything up. I'm really sorry for what I did."
She looked at the ground, really sad. Alone again. Forever alone.
"I probably am." She was young. Very young. So naive. So immature. So stupid. So idealistic.
Phoenix just shrugged. No, he wasn't torn up about this. He didn't get attached enough to be broken-hearted. But he did feel a bit sad. He thought there could have been something. But Avalee kept getting in the way of Avalee.
"You only thing that you did was refuse to let go of your past. Axel is your past Avalee. You can't expect him to come back from wherever he was and suddenly want to have you for himself again. People change over time, and...after his experience, that probably changed him too. When people have near-death experiences, their whole mind-set changes. Maybe he went for that other girl because he knew he had the opportunity and may never have it again." He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and let his hands slip into his pockets.
"You need to learn to let go and move on. When Axel was "dead", you never let him die."
Avalee looked at the ground. In this moment she realized how stupid she was. So young and immature. She had no idea about the world, about other people. Avalee truly was very self-centered. Never a care for anyone's hear but her own.
She nodded. He was right.
"I know. It's hard to get over the only person who has ever loved you. You know?" She had never had love her entire life.
Phoenix stepped forward and gave her shoulder a light squeeze with his hand.
"I'm sorry to just leave like this, but its better this way. I wish you luck with this guy. I hope he gives you everything you could ever ask for, because you deserve the best." He pulled his hand away and tucked it back into his pocket. "And Avalee? I'll always be here for you." He gave her a warm smile as he prepared to apparate.
She looked down. Confused. Had she not made herself clear? Seth and her were not together. Axel and her were not together. She still loved Phoenix. She still loved Axel. But she couldn't be with either of them. She had screwed up. Bad.
"Phoenix...I'm not with either of them." She said it quietly. Not sure if he could hear. It was sort of trivial in the moment anyway. She looked down at the table. She was so ashamed of herself in that moment.
Them? There was more than one guy? He frowned.
"I just don't understand why you've suddenly changed. We were fine until he came back."