It was quiet, which was a good sign.
Alice stood outside the house, an ear tilted towards the door. She couldn't hear anything at all--but that might not mean that he wasn't there. She really hoped he wasn't. It would make things so much more complicated, and she honestly didn't know if she was ready to see him again. Especially since she was still wearing her short black dress from the night before and Seth's coat. She refused to wear Axel's on her trip here, but he probbaly understood. She didn't need to smell even more like Seth's cousin when she knew full well he would know where she was last night.
With a sigh she opened the door and stepped inside. Her steps and motions were quiet, but she didn't try to be silent. He would hear her if he was here, and if he wasn't then there was nothing to worry about. She pulled of her husband's coat and hung back where it belonged, leaving her tennis shoes on. Slowly she walked towards the living room, peeking in just to make sure it was empty.
The first night without Alice was the worst. Laying in that bed of theirs felt so empty without her body beside Seth under the sheets and it was one of the few times he felt cold. He tossed and turned, hardly getting any sleep because his thoughts were all about what went wrong. He didn't know for sure. He was young though. And that was a big part of it. He was so eager to settle down, but it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
The next day was a little less difficult, but the lack of sleep made it rough. At least it took away from Seth's concentration. He cleaned up a little, to give him something to do, and then poured himself a glass of vodka, settling down in the livingroom. Shortly after was when he heard her enter the house.
"Come back for your things, have you?" He said, sensing her peeking into the room.
Her eyes locked on him instantly, and she flinched when he spoke. She thought that maybe she was imagining him, and he wasn't really there. It's a bit harder to convince yourself of something like that when they talk to you.
"A few things, yes."
There were many harsh or sarcastic comments that she thought of and thought about saying, but she decided against it. She looked at the back of his head for a moment, pretending that nothing had changed and things were like before. She had just been so happy then. Everything had been perfect--exactly what she wanted.
Now everything was ruined, because of her.
"I won't be very long. I don't want to be in your way," she added softly, stepping towards the stairs.
"I don't think you'll be getting in the way of much." He said quietly, bring his glass to his lips and swallowing the liquid. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and just watched the wall across from him. It wasn't like Seth had plans to attend to or anything. He didn't have any other friends to hang with. Since he got married, he quit socializing.
Why did he get married?
Alice stopped walking and watched Seth for another moment. He was drinking. That wasn't good. Of course, what did she expect? They were getting a divorce, after all. What was there to be happy about? She started to go up the stairs, but stopped again. She wasn't one to ignore her thoughts; she'd been around to long to know the consequences.
"You shouldn't be drinking," she chastised softly in an open tone.
Seth didn't move, except to take a second sip, larger than the first. He let the liquid's taste remain on his tongue for a moment, and then set it on the table in front of him.
"I don't think you're necessarily the right person to tell me that. I don't need your advice." Seth said bitterly.
I don't need you is what he thought.
She had to bite her tongue to keep from saying any of the many sarcastic comments that came to mind. Instead she explored her anger for a moment. Did she have a good reason for not wanting him to drink? Yes. Was she in the right place to tell him that he couldn't? Absolutely not. She couldn't just leave him there, though. Not like this. She still cared about him. A lot.
"I was just worried about your welfare, but you're right. I guess what happens to you isn't my concern anymore after all."
The words came out before she could stop them. It's not what she wanted to say, but oh well. Too late now.
Seth looked at her, his eyes a bit red from lack of decent sleep, shadows around his eyes like little bruises.
"Go on and get your things so your not late for your date with Axel." He said sarcastically.
"I just don't get you," She burst suddenly, stepping back into the living room and glaring at the back of his head.
"I do one thing wrong and you get pissed, and then suddenly we're getting divorced and I'm outside in the cold because I can't face you. I was outside for hours just walking around, because I left the house in such a hurry because I didn't want you to see me cry more that I forgot to get anything besides a coat. I get it, okay? You have a grudge against your cousin, and I put myself in the middle of it. But you didn't have to jump to comclusions about everything."
Her words came out in a big rush, and she wasn't even thinking about what she said until she had said it. There was a moment of silence and then she groaned. This was not going like she planned at all.
Seth just stared at the glass, anger starting to course through him.
"But it's true, isn't it?" He said quietly. "You're with him now." He stood up and walked in front of Alice, staring her in the eyes. "You know what? I don't really care anymore. I could care less what you do and who you do it with. I don't care about anything."
Alice stared him in the eye. She had been around to long, in too many confrontations to back down. She refused. Even if it was different this time, she wouldn't back down.
"You can't tell me that. Not after everything that's happened between us. Love just doesn't end like that, and you can't even begin to tell me it does. The mere fact that I'm here, breathing, means that love is something strong."
"If love were as strong as you say it is, Alice, then we wouldn't even be having this conversation. If love were that strong, we'd still have our rings on, we'd be happy and not going through this." Seth argued.
"And out of the two of us, which one decided that we would be in this situation?" Her voice was soft, barely a whisper. She stood there for a moment more, then shook her head and turned away.
Seth had an almost pain expression, then he grabbed her hand.
"I do care." He said. "I care about the future, I care about the past, and I care about you. I care about what happens to you and what you do with your life. I care that I may never be a part of it again."
"And who said that you wouldn't be?" Alice asked, turning back and flicking her dark hair over her shoulder.
"I didn't want this, Seth. I'm not the one that mentioned divorce papers."
"You're in love with Axel. That struck me a little hard. I couldn't think straight. What exactly did you want, Alice?" He let go of her hand, letting his own swing back to his side. "Tell me."
When he took his hand away it felt like she lost something important. Like her only lifeline had fallen away. How had all of this happened? They had been so happy together for such a long time, and she ruined everything in less than a week. What did she want, anyway? She sure didn't know.
"I don't know," she mumbled, looking away. "I want to be happy. I want to be with someone that understands me. I was so sure that person was you, but I just don't know anymore." Alice started shaking her head. "And I never said I was in love with Axel, either. I... like him. I do. I even love him a bit, but I love you, too. I can't just let that go."
Seth looked down. How could she not know? Did she just say that she loved him a little? His mind was going back and forth with thats.
"We can't keep doing this. You need to make up your mind because there's no going back after this."
"Why am I the one that has to make up my mind? I don't see what I did that's so wrong. I told you what happened with Axel, but we could have worked through it. Instead, you push me away and I end up running right to him because I had nowhere else to go. I'm not the one that kissed somebody and didn't confess to it," She countered loudly, her anger showing now. Her eyes blazed, and for the first time in a while she really looked like the killer she was.
She crossed her arms and looked at him expectanly. She hadn't wanted to bring up Seth's kiss with Avalee, but it sort of came out. Well now she wanted to know. She confessed to kissing Axel, the least he could do was confess to kissing the girl.
"I kissed her because I wanted to know what you felt with Axel. I wanted to know if something felt different. I kissed Avalee for that reason, and that reason alone." Seth crossed his arms, still staring at the ground. "You're the one who has mixed feelings, that's why you are the one that needs to make up your mind."
Alice made a noise like a growl and fell onto the couch, hiding her face in her arm.
"I told you, I don't know. I don't know if we can work things out. I don't know how Axel feels about me. I'm not all that sure how you feel about me. I don't know why I can't stay human. I don't know anything." Her voice cracked and she stopped talking, afraid that she would start crying yet again.
"You don't know how I feel about you?"
Seth sighed, and then sat down beside her, facing her, though she was hiding behind her arm.
"I love you. Nothing will ever change that. Whether things change and we go our separate ways, or don't. I'll love you until this," he took her hand and put it on the left side of his chest. "stops beating."
Alice slowly sat up and looked at him, tears definately in her eyes now.
"But you don't understand. It already has stopped beating. It wasn't beating for two hundred years, Seth. And I'm afraid it's going to stop again, and not in the normal way." She paused a moment, not wanting to say what was happening to her own body. "We thought I was a human again, and I'm not. At least not all the way."
"I asked you to marry me before we found out you were changing, don't you remember? I'm in love with Alice. Not human Alice or...or vampire Alice." Seth said quietly.
"But what happens if I change back? All the way?" She whispered.
This was actually one of her biggest concerns. If she was a vampire, she would never age or anything, obviously. Seth was human, so he would. She didn't want to change him. Being a vampire was a terrible, terrible thing, and she didn't want him to go through that.
Seth looked at her and smiled a little.
"I committed myself to you. I was willing to do anything to be with you, even become a vampire. And I am still willing if that is what it takes to be with you. I know the risks, but they don't matter."
Alice looked down to her lap and reached for his hand. Lacing her fingers with his, she felt a sort of calmness wash over her.
"Do you trust me?" She asked, "With your life?"
((So whatcha want it to be? Axel or Seth? I don't care, either way.))
"I trust you." Seth said softly. "With every bit of it."
At that moment, Seth realized he almost lost what was most precious to him. Things would need to change around here. The way he acted especially. Maybe he was too soft. He squeezed her hand a little.
Alice squeezed back. This felt better. She felt calm inside, and it was a feeling she could only feel around Seth. She might have feelings for Axel--he made her feel wild and young--but Seth made her feel safe, and that was a feeling you never wanted to lose.
"Then that's all I can ask of you," She said softly, lifting her brilliant eyes to his. She knew better; she loved him in a way that she could never love anyone else. How had she ever thought different?
"I'm sorry." Seth whispered, playing with her hair, intertwining it around his fingers. He smiled as she looked up at him, meeting her gaze. He would stop there. He wouldn't go on and on about how he overreacted, how he kissed Avalee to see what it was like. All that mattered was that he had his other half right where he wanted her. Right her beside him.
"I love you." He finally said. "Forever and for always." He brought his lips to hers, sealing it all with a kiss.
She thought she would cry again, but not of sadness. They would have been happy tears, if they had been shed. Instead she smiled and kissed him gently, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing. It seemed like ages had past since the last time se had done this.
"I'm sorry, so sorry," she whispered, "And I love you, too. Till the end of time."
Seth nodded, taking in the apology. It was done now. It was their past. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the silver wedding band he had removed several days earlier.
"I'm really glad I get to put this back on." He said, sliding it onto his finger.
Alice watched him put his ring on and looked down at her own hand. Her ring glittered from her third finger, even in the dim lighting. It hadn't even crossed her mind to take it off--she hadn't concidered it at all. She was glad, though. The few times she did take it off she felt odd, like part of her was missing. Just the thought of that made her shudder.
"I am, too. I can only imagine what it must have felt like," She put her hands over his and shook her head. She wasn't even talking about the feeling of lose, but more like what Seth must have gone through over the past few days.
"It doesn't matter." Seth said quietly. "We're together, right here, right now and I have you in my life." He grinned. "That's all that matters to me." He kissed her again, with a little less caution.
Alice let it go, realizing that discussing this wouldn't help things. Right now it seemed that this was just something they would have to forget. She knew she couldn't do that; she never forgot anything. But she would try for his sake.
The kiss distracted her quite a bit. More than it should have, really. She idly wondered if he could smell Axel on her, then realized that she didn't really care. And if he did he sure didn't show it. She ran her fingers through his dark hair slowly, loving the familiar feeling of his kisses.
Seth smiled into the kiss. It felt like...well it felt like it had been years since he had gotten to kiss her. Maybe that was what made it so unbelievable. He pulled her into him and let his hand lose itself in her hair, the other venturing to her waist.
((Oooh. Venturing. Sounds so... adventurous. XD ))
Alice pulled herself closer to Seth, looping her arms around his neck. This felt so stunning, so unreal. This felt like nothing before. She knew that this was right. There was nothing else in the world for her. She had been made to meet him.
"I don't know how I deluded myself," she mumbled, her lips trailing to his neck.
((Hahahaha.))
Seth bit his lip, closing his eyes. "I let my thoughts take over." He muttered. He lifted her into his arms and carried her all the way to the bedroom, tossing her onto the bed. Hey, she was part vampire. He didn't have to worry about being too rough. The bed was left the way it was when she left, messy from them getting out of bed that morning and not having time to make it. He sat down beside her.
Alice sat up on her knees and pulled him closer to her, grabbing handfulls of his shirt.
"I've been doing that ever since I met you," she growled softly, covering his mouth with hers.
And so they did what was known as "the nastay", and they lay there afterwards, simply enjoying each other's long desired company. Seth just stared at her, her beautiful self, playing with her hair like he always did.
((Giggidy.))
((That just made my night. XD ))
Alice had her eyes open and she stared at Seth as he played with her hair. His fingers brushed her cheek every now and then as he did so, and each time it amazed her. His hands felt so wonderfully warm against her skin. She could have lied there all day. Except...
"Oh sh!t."
She jumped up from the bed and rushed to find a new set of clothes. *Sh!t, sh!t, sh!t. He's going to know,* she thought as she pulled on a pair of jeans.
"I have to go. Like, right now," Alice tried to explain, turning back to Seth and running her hand through her messy hair. What she really wanted to do was lay back down with Seth and just enjoy his company, but that was a luxury she couldn't afford today.
"Axel... is waiting for me. The least he deserves is an explanation. I... can't just leave him like that..."
Seth nearly jumped out of bed, except for the fact that he was nude under the blankets kept him in his position.
"What? What is it?" He asked, looking around as if something had barged right into the room. "Go where?"
He frowned when she mentioned Axel, but the same twinges of jealousy he had before were gone. Now he was just understanding.
"Hurry home." He said with a crooked smile. "I missed you."
Alice was dressed now, but she looked disheveled. That was just too bad. She didn't care what strangers thought of her and she couldn't hide anything from Axel, anyway. He would just have to deal with it. She paused a moment to look at Seth, and a smile sppeared on her lips for reasons she didn't exactly know.
"I missed you too, love," she replied.
((Want to just skip ahead to where Axel is waiting for her? If so, go ahead.))
Axel was behind an old bookstore in his wolf animagus form to stay warm. The thick fur coat made a huge difference in warmth in comparison to his human coat he had on. He sat, listening, sniffing the air for any sign of Alice. She should have been here awhile ago. Where could she be? Did she find Seth? What if...what if he hurt her?
He walked out around front, glad to see that there weren't many people in town at this time. It was too cold to be walking around. So the chances of somebody freaking out over a huge black wolf sitting out in public were slim.
Where is she? He thought to himself, looking around worriedly.
Alice was rushing down the street, unconsciously scanning the street with her head slightly lifted as if she could smell Axel. She couldn't now, of course, but old habits die hard. Finally she spotted him in from of some bookstore as his animagus. Glad that she finally found him, her pace slowed a little, and the reality of her situation hit her.
"Hey, sorry I took so long," she greeted him softly, waiting for him to explode with anger or something. She didn't have anything with her except the coat she was wearing--no bag. If things had gone differently today she would have been trudging back to the Hog's Head with half of her stuff in tow. But not now.
Axel immediately transformed into his human form, his crimson hair slightly disheveled. He reached out for Alice and grabbed her arm.
"What took you so long?" He asked, his brows pushed together. "I was worried about you. I thought something happened!"
"Something did happen," she replied softly, just watching him. Her shining, crystal eyes scanned him. Couldn't he tell? Didn't he already know? For some reason she thought he would just automatically sense it and--best-case scenerio--walk off angry, and she wouldn't have to deal with anything.
Yeah right.
"Seth was in the house when I got there, like I thought he might be, and... we got to talking about things..." Well, they had started out talking, so she wasn't exactly lying.
Axel had this look on his face, like he was expecting more. But Alice had finished talking. He stood there for a minute and then he understood.
"Oh, so you two made up then?" Axel asked, trying to confirm what was being hidden. "Or are you going to keep going back and forth between guys?"
Alice's gaze hardened as he spoke, instantly on guard.
"No! You know I never meant for this to happen! I never meant for any of this to happen!" She exclaimed, taking a half step back and pointing at him. "It's your fault! If you hadn't come back, everything would have been just fine!"
Now that wasn't exactly right, and it sure wasn't fair. Axel deserved to be back around people he knew. He deserved to live. The things he had been through were things no one should ever experience. But Alice wasn't in a caring mood right now. Now she had to be right. Making up with Seth had called for a compromise for both of them, but she didn't have any obligations to Axel.
"I'm sorry, okay? Really sorry. There's nothing else I can do or say. I'm married Axel, and you are too. So why don't you go and call for your girl, I'm sure she'd be thrilled to have you back."
"I'm not married, and now I have a good reason not to be!" Axel said, eyes flaring. "How can play me like that, Alice? How can you just tamper with my feelings like that? You said you were getting a divorce. We...I just don't even know. You know, you're right. It is my fault. I should have just died on that floor in that bar and you all can live happy lives. You and Seth wouldn't have these issues and Avalee would have a nice life with whoever that fricking professor is. I can't even go back to her now because of this mess we dragged ourselves in." Axel shook his head and turned away from her.
"Go back to your husband. I don't even want to speak to you."
"Don't turn this on me!" She replied, leaning forward on the balls of her feet like she was going to lunge at him.
"I didn't mean any of that, and you should know that. I didn't want for things to turn out like this. When I left the room this morning, I had every intention of getting my things and coming back to you. I was about to drop everything in my life to run away with you. I would have, but Seth made me see that I can't run away from him just because we had a few problems." She stopped, inhaling sharply. Her eyes dropped to the ground and the next time she spoke her voice was much softer.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I never mean to hurt anyone, but aparantly that's the only thing I'm good at."
She lifted her head to look him in the eye. Her bangs were in her face, but she didn't care. She didn't want him to see her anymore. She didn't want him to see what a monster she was.
"You know, I'm just going to go now, because I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have." Alice shook her head and turned, leaving him where he was.
"You can't hide." Axel muttered, as he walked around the little upstairs apartment above the bar. His eyes had shadows beneath them, and they looked...unusual. He stood by the window with a glass in his right hand, full of a golden liquid and ice. He stared angrily out the window, watching people flock around Hogsmead, chatting and shopping before the weekend was over and they had to get back to their jobs. He chugged the glass and threw it to the ground, shards of broken glass littering the floor.
"You can't escape the truth!" He was filled with anger and fury. His voice lowered to a whisper as he stood there, breathing heavily as he stared at the pieces of glass. "You're a disappointment. You only cause problems when you're around." Stepping onto the glass and grinding it into the ground with his shoes, he went on. "You should never have come back. Being dead was the best thing that ever happened to them." He walked over to the tiny beside table and grabbed the brown bottle on top, taking a huge swig.
"Why are you even living?"
In his drunken rage, he took another sip and then threw the bottle onto the floor, liquid spilling all over. He then shot a fireball at the liquid, causing flames to appear. Red, orange, and yellow flames danced all over the room. Taking his wand out of his pocket, he held the point towards him.
"Are you happy Alice? Avalee? Seth? Are you? I'm done tormenting your lives now!" He bellowed.
"Axel."
Her voice was like a soft whisper in the air. It was soft and filled with... something. A hundred emotions were in his name--worry, love, surprise, anger... the list went on. She stood in the doorway, eyes locked on him. Her figure almost blended in with the dark corner; she was wearing a black wool coat and her long black hair fell around her face in soft curls. Only her face stood out from the shadows.
"What are you doing?" She asked, tilting her head slightly to the side. She kept her eyes on him, but started to unbutton her coat, revealing a light blue blouse that almost matched her eyes. On the outside she looked perfectly calm, but in her mind she was looking at the situation from every possible angle--just like any predator. It was obvious what he was doing. She could hear him talking since she walked into the bar. Her senses were all on high-alert, and she was ready to lunge at him if she needed to. Whatever he planned on doing, she refused to let him hurt himself.
Axel turned as the person entered the room, suddenly pointing his wand in her direction.
"I'm doing what should have been done awhile ago. I don't belong here. I'm the monster and I don't have to drink blood to prove it. I hurt people. People get hurt because of me. I'm done wasting everyone's time."
Alice looked around the room, at the fire. He was really going to do this. If she had been just a minute later, what would she have found? The alcohol bottles confirmed her thoughts, but that didn't help the fact that he was trying to kill himself. With a sweep of her hand the flames went out and all of the broken glass was swept into a corner. She pulled off her gloves next, setting them on top of her coat.
"Axel, you have never hurt anyone. You are not a monster. I've seen a lot more of the world than you and believe me, you are not bad. I've been around the worst kind of people, and you are not one of them. You aren't wasting anyone's time but your own now. Please, give me your wand," she said calmly and softly. She reachedher hand out, hoping he would give her his wand but knowing he wouldn't.
As a vampire--or ex-vampire, whatever--she owned a wand but didn't usualy carry it on her. She could work a little magic, but it was mostly elemental. She wished now that she had it with her.
Axel shook his head.
"No." The way he said it, it was so dark and unlike him. This drunken Axel was not like the sober Axel. It was like flipping a switch and personalities were changed. He stepped forward, wand still pointed at Alice.
"You think just because you're a vampire, you can stop anything. You are this indestructible being made of steel. Let me tell you something. I can make you feel pain. I can kill you with a mere flick of my wand. And if you try to get in my way of what I am trying to do, I won't hesitate to kill you."
Alice clenched her teeth and let her arm fall to her side. Her eyes were locked on him. She kept telling herself that he didn't mean what he was saying--that he was just angry and drunk. He had every right to be. What she had done to him, well, it wasn't thr right thing to do. But he wouldn't really hurt her, would he?
"I know you can hurt me. I am not invincible. I can and will die some day. You could kill me if you wanted to. It wouldn't be that difficult, not with my human reflexes, but I don't think you will. Because if you do... if you kill me, you'll be proving to yourself just how much of a monster you are. Only monsters kill people, Axel, and you don't want to be a monster." Her voice was even but it was obvious that she was trying to stay calm. Her emotions were harder to control now, and that bothered her. She would just have to do the best she could, because she would not let this end badly.
Axel just stared, hand shaking as he held the wand. Then he turned suddenly and walked over to the window.
"I don't belong here. I ruin people's lives." He lifted the wand back up towards him. "You, Seth, Avalee. You're all better without me." He turned back to Alice. "And you know what really sucks, Alice?! Avalee still wanted me and I turned her down. I turned her down because I thought maybe you loved me. I turned her down because I thought she'd have a future with that guy. And now I could never go back to her asking for her to have me back. I've dug myself in a hole so deep that I can't get out. I can't get out." He kept whispering the last sentence like he were in panic.
It physically hurt for her to stand there and watch him. Her eyes burned with tears she couldn't shed, and her mind screamed at her to turn away. But she forced herself to stand there and watch. If she didn't, who knew what would happen. At least if she was watching she would know it was all her fault.
"Axel, you didn't ruin my life. I am not better without you. If you hadn't been there for me, I would be dead right now. The real kind of dead. You made me keep living, and I can never repay you for that," she answered softly.
"I don't know what you want me to say, and I don't know what you want me to do, but I'll do it. I owe you my life. Whatever you want, it's yours."
Axel closed his eyes and dropped the wand, which bounced before finally settling on the warm dusty floor. He felt his eyes sting with the threat of crying, something he didn't think he'd do. He dropped to his knees and his body became covered in the same flames that had danced across the floor moments ago. This was his process of eliminating the alcohol from his body. That, and letting his emotions come out of him.
Finally, when the flames subsided, he remained there gasping, tears falling to the ground and then steaming away back into the atmosphere.
When the flames appeared, she thought she would have a heart attack. She gasped and fell to her knees, reaching out to help him. She pulled back when her hand was just short of the fire. He had caused this, and he wasn't burning himself.
*He's not killing himself.*[/color]
"Axel! Are you okay?" She asked when the flames disappeared. She was at his side in a moment, not caring about the heat.
"No, I'm not okay." Axel whispered hoarsely. "You need to go home. Go home and be with Seth."
((Eh.))
Alice laughed in a slightly hysterical tone.
"Yeah right. I'm not leaving you here alone, Axel." She paused, looking him over. "Do you... want a glass of water or something?"
Axel turned, his sky blue eyes, now a pale sort of color, widened.
"No, I don't want anything from you! I told you to go home! For your own good, Alice, just get out of here and leave me alone!" His voice lowered to a faint whisper. "Let me go! I don't have a reason to be here."
"Yes you do!" She countered, not budging.
"You have every right to live. If one of use deserves to be dead it's me. Now you need to understand that I am not going out that door until I know you're okay. I'm not going to just leave you here with your own anger to deal with. I love you, and I refuse to let you harm youself!" Her words came out in a long rush. She inhaled sharply, understanding what she had said. She meant it, every word.
"d**n it. You don't love me!" Axel shot back. "If you loved me, you would have come back for me, not to tell me you're not interested after all! Don't you dare try to play that ridiculous 'love card'. It's not working this time."
She jerked back like he had slapped her. Really, it woul dhave hurt less if he did. She understood now. She got it. She loved Seth, but she loved Axel. Seth was safe, and perfect, and calm. Axel was like a fire that spread through her. Safe was like a field of grass--predictable, easy--but fire was what burned.
"Oh $h!t," she whispered, falling back onto her heels. Her wide eyes were glassy and staring off into nothing. It was surprising that she hadn't cried yet, but maybe with all the crying she had done reccently her body couldn't handle it.
"You're wrong," she breathed, I was wrong. I really did ruin everything." Alice titled her head to the side, still unseeing. Her mind was spinning, finally figuring out the puzzle that was her life.
"What were you wrong about?" Axel asked quietly, curiosity striking him. "Tell me."
"About Seth. About myself. About... us," she replied thoughtfully, her eyes now moving back to Axel.
Slowly she crawled towards him. She watched him for a moment, then reached out a hand and traced her fingers across the back of his hand.
"I need you to tell me what this feels like to you. What you feel when I touch you."
"Chills." He said shortly. Axel paused and then looked at her. "And what about you?" He took his fingertips and trailed them down her cheek.
Her eyes unfocused again. "Warmth. Like fire," she breathed. In an instant her eyes snapped back to his, wide.
"I...I want to try something, if you'll allow me to," she asked. She didn't know how he would react if she kissed him, and she didn't want to make him angry again. That had been one of the scariest things she'd ever seen.
Axel nodded.
"Shoot." He said, shrugging. She could do whatever. At this point, he didn't really care. His icy eyes dropped to hers.
Alice nodded to herself slowly, letting her eyes drop to her hands. She saw that they were trembling; funny how she hadn't noticed that before. She inhaled slowly, trying to calm herself down.
"Okay. If you need me too... just push me away," she instructed before leaning forward. She paused just before her lips touched his, breathing in his ashy scent. There was a sort of rumbling in her stomach like before, and finally she kissed him. She was gentle, of course. She wasn't sure how much he could handle right now. Or how much she couldn handle.
Axel wasn't surprised to feel her cold lips against him. In fact, he kind of figured that was going to happen. And he couldn't deny that he wanted to kiss her back. But he couldn't. He lightly pushed her back, enough so that she could see eye to eye with him.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked. "What will it prove?"
The space between them was like ice sliding down her spine. She inhaled sharply, quickly closing her mouth before she realized how stupid she probbaly looked.
*Hungry. That's what I am,* she thought idly.
"I'm... not exactly sure how to explain it. When... I touch you--or kiss you--I get this feeling that I can't... it's like when I was a vampire. I'm hungry. But not for blood, not even yours. I'm hungry for you, if that makes sense, and I don't know how to make it go away. I don't think I want it to go away." She was rambling now. She had stood up and started pacing, not looking at him. She couldn't. If she did, she was afraid she would lose it.
This hunger wasn't something she wanted to admit. Not only would it potentially ruin her marriage with Seth, but it would also influence Axel. She wasn't sure how it would but there was no doubt that it would. Also, it was much to similar to her vampire habits for her to be comfortable.
What?
Axel watched her pace and go on about her hunger. Her hunger for him. He didn't understand quite what that meant. But she was nervous. Axel could see that clearly. He stepped behind her and put his arms around her, bringing his lips to her jawbone.
Alice sighed softly, turning towards him slightly and resting a hand on his chest. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair, pull him closer. But she didn't. It took an extraordinary amount of self control, but she managed.
"What you said earlier.. about loving me... did you mean it?" She whispered, her voice showing much more vunerablility than it had in a very long time.
Axel closed his eyes and breathed silently. As he opened them, he smiled a little.
"If I didn't, I wouldn't have been here waiting, now would I?"
A wide smile formed, her eyes sparkling. He love dher still. She just might have to go giggle about that. Her smile fell, though, as she began thinking.
"Axel... I know this is very... repetitive of me, but I truely think that you are the one I should be with. Not Seth. I went home earlier, and he was there--you know that. It's just so easy to be with him. So simple. But with you, it's different. I don't know how to explain it, but I love you. I know that now, and I don't know how I ever thought Seth was right for me." She paused, knowing she was rambling again.
"Do you know what... what you want to do? In terms of staying in town."
Axel couldn't help but to have a big smile on his face. A big warm smile. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help it. This seemed right. And Axel did love Avalee, but he wasn't in love with her. They just didn't have that kind of chemistry.
"I don't have any idea. What do you suggest?" He asked. "But you need to understand, that there's no going back after this. You can still go back to Seth if...if you want to. There's time." He didn't want her to leave though. He didn't notice his arms pulling her a little closer.
She noticed, and it made her smile come back. She placed her other hand on his chest, taking in the heat that rolled off of him.
"I know I can, but I don't want to. He would let me, too. That's the thing. He's... too soft for me, I guess. I mean, I love him, but I'm finding that I'm not in love with him,"
Axel nodded.
"That's Seth for you. But we'll send for somebody to get your things later. Lets go out and enjoy ourselves. I think we've been under enough stress for a little while, wouldn't you agree?" He took his hand and linked it with hers, flashing a smile.
Alice smiled again. She was greatful for the distraction spending time with him would bring, that he understood her enough to know that she wouldn't want to go back to the house for all of her things like she had attempted earlier. It would just mess things up, and he got that. But that was why she loved him: he understood her.
"I would love that,"
((Congrats on post number:10,300. Haha. :P))
"I'm sorry...for this." He said, suggesting the mess of the apartment and his emotions. "I...I've been fighting off my anger for so long, I couldn't contain it. That's a risk about being with me. I can't always keep myself under control."
But Alice knew that, so why was he even bothering warning her? He felt bad. His mood had changed so suddenly. He was so upset, now he was happy.
"But what would you like to do? Dinner? Are you even hungry? Go for a walk? See a muggle movie, hang out here? I can clean up...." He frowned at his mess.
((Congrats on post... 5151! XD ))
"Honestly, a walk sounds amazing," she answered, squeezing his hand. "And don't worry about it. I like your anger. It makes you more... manly." She paused a moment, then started laughing.
Axel just rolled his eyes, with a smile.
"Hold on." He made sure they had a good grip on each other's hands and then he apparated, going through that odd cramped feeling for just a moment. They landed firmly on the ground of a park, covered in a thin layer of powdery white snow, glistening with the setting sun. There were other couple's here, children, and other people. Some were even walking their dogs. He used his wand to brush away the snow that covered the walking path.
"Will this do?"
Alice wasn't expecting the apparating, and the tight feeling stayed with her longer than it would have. When they landed she looked around and smiled.
"Wow, what is this place?" She asked, watching as he removed the snow from their path. It must be somewhere with wizards, or he someone would have noticed him doing that.
"I'm not really sure where we are exactly. It was a place in my memory. To be honest, I wasn't really sure if it was real." He looked around at the snow covered trees and the people. The frozen lake in the center of the pond with a stone bridge.
"I think I came here with my parents when I was really young."
"Oh,"
She said softly, looking at the ground. In reality, she didn't know very much about Axel. She did know about his parents, but not much. It couldn't be easy for him to think or talk about it, so she didn't push him. But she would want to know some day. Maybe she would learn a few things tonight.
"Thank you. For bringing me here, I mean. You didn't have to."
If this was one a the few places he remembered with his parents, it should have been kept private. This was his memory, not hers. She realized just how much she must matter to him, then. He was willing to let her into his life. Whatever it cost.
There was a flashback. Axel as a little boy, his hair lighter than it was now, walking between his parents hand in hand. He was laughing because every now and then, they would swing him up into the air. It was summer. Or maybe spring. That he wasn't so sure of. But the sun was out.
"No problem." Axel said absently. He brought himself back to reality and squeezed her hand. "I wanted to. You seemed to have needed a little getaway."
She turned to face him, taking his other hand. She wanted to say something meaningful then, something... special. Nothing came to mind, at least not anything that wasn't cliche. She watched his face, searching for words, and ended up reciting poetry.
"I am too alone in the world, and yet not alone enough
to make every hour holy.
I am too small in the world, and yet not tiny enough
just to stand before you like a thing,
dark and shrewd.
I want my will, and I want to be with my will
as it moves towards deed;
and in those quiet, somehow hesitating times,
when something is approaching,
I want to be with those who are wise
or else alone.
I want always to be a mirror that reflects your whole being,
and never to be too blind or too old
to hold your heavy, swaying image.
I want to unfold.
Nowhere do I want to remain folded,
because where I am bent and folded, there I am lie.
And I want my meaning
true for you. I want to describe myself
like a painting that I studied
closely for a long, long time,
like a word I finally understood,
like the pitcher of water I use every day ,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that carried me
through the deadliest storm of all,"
Her voice was soft, but she knew he could hear her. She spoke slowly, making sure to pronounce each word carefully. It was a poem by Rilke that she had memorized long ago. It seemed like the right things to say.
Axel listened intently to every syllable she pronounced, so clearly and soft. He watched her lips as they uttered the poetic words, her lips as soft as the words she spoke.
"That was really beautiful." He said when she finished. He wished he had known what to say back, but he didn't. He didn't have anything. He pushed her hair back with a stroke of his hand.
Alice nodded slowly, surprised to find that there were tears in her eyes. She sniffled and smiled up at him sadly.
"I know it probably sounded outrageous, but I felt like I needed to say it," she explained, lowering her eyes to the ground.
((Meeh. =) ))
Axel smiled and lifted her chin with his index finger.
"It wasn't outrageous at all. Don't ever think anything you say is outrageous, alright?" His tone was soft, gentle. Like his touch. It was puzzling how a man so full of negative emotions could be such a gentle creature.
She smiled back at him, her eyes lighting up. She was fully aware that this was a side not many people got to see, and she was one of the few who did. Not for the first time, either.
"Are you sure? I can say some pretty crazy stuff sometimes," she teased, linking her fingers through his.
Axel smirked and made a little red orange fireball with his free hand. He let it drift in front of Alice, to cast a little warmth on her.
"Then we have something in common."
"Only one?" Alice asked with her little smile. Her eyes went to the ball of fire, which was reflected in her huge eyes.
"Well, I hope we have a lot more in common than just that." Axel said, laughing a little. He made the fire spin around Alice and move about.