Professor Snape smiled at his favorite class. There was Malfoy, who he always thought was a little on the gay side, but did look nice in pink. Then there was Harry, who he always fussed over, since he was a celebrity. The rest of the class was simply wonderful, from the smart, somewhat odd Hermione, to the bolder-like Crabbe and Goyle. Oh, and there was Ron as well, but Snape didn't call on him much since he was jelous of his flaming red hair.
"Ok class! Today we are going to learn how to make a Kaboomie Potion!"
"A Kaboomie Potion? Yay! Kaboomie kaboomie, kaboomie oomie oomie!!!" said Malfoy, getting out of his chair to prance around.
"Kayak? I have a kayak. It's actually a pineapple but shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone!" said Hermione. The class just stared. Snape cleared his throat, trying to get their attention again.
"As I was saying, we will be making a Kaboomie Potion. The ingredients are on the board. Oh, and Harry, I have already made yours for you, you got a 100%!" said Snape, beaming at his favorite student.
"Uh, thanks Professor," Harry said.
"Anything for you Harry, my dear!"
Harry looked at the floor, trying to conceal his beet-red face. This wasn't the first time he had thought Snape might be coming onto him.
The rest of the class went smoothly, and everyone made a satisfactory Kaboomie Potion (yes, they all went kaboomie, don't worry).
Harry, Hermione, and Ron walked out of the dungeon, up towards the Common Room.
"DON'T SEND THE WHALES TO IRAQ!!!!" yelled Hermione suddenly, causing Ron and Harry to jump.
"She is sooo strange," said Ron, while Harry nodded in agreement.
The got to the Fat Lady, who was being occupied by none other than Malfoy. He seemed to be looking for someone.
"But I've got to find Harry! I've got tooooooo!!!! I need to give him something!!!!!!!!" Malfoy pleaded.
"I'm sorry, but you are not a Gryffindor, so go look for Harry elsewhere," the Fat Lady said sternly.
Malfoy turned on his heel, clearly trying to make a dramatic exit. It didn't work too well because he tripped over his feather boa and bumped into Hermione ("GOD BLESS YOU!" she yelled.). Harry tried to slink away, but it was too late; Malfoy had seen him.
"Aha! Harry! I foooouuund yoooou!!!!!!!" cooed Malfoy. "I have something for yooooooou!!!" He handed Harry a large pink cabbage.
"Erm, thanks, I guess," said Harry. "What is it exactly?"
"It's a cabbage! And it's pink!" Malfoy said, grinning.
"Don't know why you didn't catch that one Harry," said Ron, winking.
Harry quickly turned his laugh into a cough.
"Well chums, I must be off!" said Malfoy. And off he went, skipping and humming something that sounded a lot like a Cher song.
"A lot of people here are so strange," Harry commented, just as Hermione went, "TWIX! IT'S NOT ALL IN THE MIX! MWAHAHAHA THAT'S RIGHT! I STOLE IT! MWAHAHAHA!"
Ron just rolled his eyes. "We better go before she starts singing about eggplant or something..."
LATER...
Harry sat in the common room examining the pink cabbage. It was giving off a perfume-like odor that was making Harry feel sick.
"Harry, would you mind throwing that cabbage out the window? I think I might barf if it stays around much longer," Ron said, a green tinge in his face.
"Alright, I suppose I will," Harry said. He walked over to the nearest window and pulled it open, letting a cold burst of wind in.
"Bloody hell! Would you mind hurrying up a bit? It is mid-January after all!" Ron yelled.
Harry leaned out of the window slightly and dropped it. It landed with a soft thump on the snow below.
"Thank god that thing's gone," said Harry, closing the window. "I'm going to bed."
"Alright, me too," Ron said, yawning.
Harry and Ron went up the stairs to their dormatory and went to sleep, both feeling relieved that Malfoy's horrible present was gone. Little did they know, they hadn't seen the last of that smelly cabbage.
******************************************************************
The next day, after Harry, Hermione, and Ron had finished eating breakfast, they walked down to Hagrid's hut for Care of Magical Creatures. The Slytherins were already there.
"'Urry up now! I've got a great lesson fer terday!" Hagrid boomed.
The class approached with caution toward a small box.
"Righ' then, now I found this 'ere last night while I was walkin' Fang. I'm not sure what it is but i 'ave a feeling it's uncommon. It smells 'orrible though"
Five feet away, Harry smelled something oddly familiar. He jabbed Ron in the ribs.
"What?" he said, rubbing his ribs.
"Does that smell familiar to you?"
"Um, I'm not sure," Ron sniffed the air. "Oh no. It's—"
"HARRY JAMES POTTER! HOW COULD YOU!" Malfoy screeched. "THAT WAS A GIFT! I HATE YOU!" And he ran off crying.
"Well, that was interesting," Harry said. "Hagrid, that cabbage, I threw it out the window last night because it smelled bad. It was a gift from Malfoy. Could we maybe not have a lesson on it?"
"Well, I s'pose so," Hagrid said, sounding half disappointed and half glad to be rid of it. "But mind yeh, this means we'll haff ter spend the lesson pickin' grass." (A/N: The snow had magically melted)
"NO! NOT THE CRANBERRY BOG! NOOOOO!" Hermione suddenly yelled.
The class, who was used to her by now, just continued picking grass
******************************************************************
Later that day in Transfiguration, the Gryffindors were busy trying to turn socks into soap. No one was having much luck though. Harry had managed to turn his sock into a bar of soap, but it still smelled like feet. Neville's sock had started emiting sparks every three seconds and Ron's was singing the Canadian National Anthum. As for Hermione's, she had made a sock-puppet out of it and was now having a conversation with it in rapid Japanese. Perhaps it was because Professor McGonagall had a splitting headache from Ron's sock's singing or she just really needed a break, because she ran out of the room with a look of someone escaping from a group of crazed murderers.
here's more....
"Cool! We can leave early!" Ron said enthusiasticly. Harry, Ron, and Hermione gathered their stuff and headed for the Gryffindor common room. They were passing the door to the third corridor, which had been empty for some time since it wasn't needed to guard anything. Nevertheless, they heard horrible noises coming from behind the door.
"You don't think Fluffy's back, do you?" Ron asked quietly.
"I don't know, should we check?" Harry replied.
"Er...go ahead Harry."
Since Harry was feeling rather brave at the moment, he walked over to the door and pulled it open a crack (it was unlocked). When he looked through the crack, a horrible sight met his eyes. Lockhart, Snape, and Malfoy were singing show tunes and all of them were wearing hot pink dress robes with "The Happy Hippos" embroidered on the back. Even though this was very frightening, Harry couldn't help but laugh. Soon he was on the floor, tears streaming down his face, and laughing so hard he almost couldn't breathe. Ron ran over and pulled to door wide open to see what was making Harry laugh. This distracted the Happy Hippos. Hermione ran into the room with her sock puppet and started singing a strange version of "Tomorrow". The Happy Hippos didn't seem to mind as they started to sing along. Harry and Ron ran away, with their hands over their ears. They didn't remove their hands until they were safe in the common room.
OMG LMFAO...LOL and even LMAO...BUMP!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG THAT'S HILLARIOUS! HAHAHAHA U HAVE TEARS COMMING DOWN MY FACE OMG KEEP IT UP!!
That night......
******************************
Harry trudged up the staircase to his dormitory. He had been up very late finishing an extra long essay from Professor Binns. He changed into his pajamas, pulled back his covers, and got into bed. As he slid under the covers his leg brushed past something hard and cold.
"Arrrrrrrngh!" He yelled, waking up everyone in the dormitory.
"What's up Harry?" Dean said sleepily. Everyone else was staring at him with alarmed looks on their faces.
"There's something under my blankets," Harry said.
"Could it possibly be you?" said Seamus, sounding rather annoyed.
"No, it's cold and hard," Harry said, reaching for his broomstick. "Someone, c'mere, I need you to pull back the blankets.
Ron reluctantly came forward. "Ok, when I say 'NOW' you pull back the covers and I'll hit it with my broom," Harry said. Ron just nodded sleepily.
"NOW!" Ron pulled back the blankets as Harry swung his broom. There was a dull thud.
"Oh no...." Harry gasped.
"What does it mean, Harry?" Ron asked.
"I think it means...that the pink cabbage has returned." There was a long silence.
"D'you think it was Malfoy again?"
"No, not this time," Harry's voice dropped to a whisper. "There's only one person who could have done this."
"Well?? Who???" said Ron impatiently.
"Voldemor†."
Ron gasped. "It can't be! I mean...You-Know-Who's got better things to do right?"
"Maybe, maybe not. I guess we'll see."
"Yeah, well, night Harry."
"Night," Harry said as he removed the cabbage and set it on the floor.
one more section til it's over!
This is sooooo funny! I was reading it to my sister and she couldn't stop laughing! LMAO
LMFAO!!!!!!!
*sniffs and smellz a smelly, smelly smle that smelled like...*
PINK CABBAGEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Harry and Ron had planned to sleep in the next morning since it was Saturday but Hermione woke them up early.
"You two have got to come with me to my Happy Hippos practice!" she said happily. "There's a very special guest that you won't want to miss."
Harry and Ron would have declined but Hermione's sock puppet had threatened to kill them if they didn't go. Hermione led them out of the portrait hole and up the the third floor. A strange pink light was pouring out from under the door. Hermione opened the door. Ron and Harry both gasped at what they saw.
"Hey! Well if it isn't my best pal Harry Potter!" Voldemor† said, gliding over to him and presenting him with yet another pink cabbage. "Oh! And you must be Ron, Harry's carrot-haired friend!"
Ron tried to say hello, but it ended up sounded like a muffled foghorn. There was a loud ding and Voldemor† said, "Oh my! It's done! I must get my oven mits on!"
"Erm, Voldemor†, what exactly are you cooking?" Harry asked.
"Oh please Harry, don't call me Voldemor†. It's so mean and scary sounding. Call me Uncle Morty. Oh and in the answer to your question, I'm making some more lovely pink cabbages! Take a look around at all the one's we've made so far!"
Harry and Ron glanced around the room in horror. There were rows and rows of tall shelves, all piled high with pink cabbages.
"I'm making them for you Harry, dear!" Voldemor† said gleefully. "I'm going to put a charm on them so that they follow you everywhere and won't break! And the best part is they'll sing show tunes nonstop! Isn't it wonderful?"
Harry ran as fast as he could from the room. Unfortunately, Voldemor† had already put the charm on the cabbages. Hundreds of pink cabbages followed after him singing "It's Raining Men".
He ran as fast as he could toward Professor Flitwick's office. Where he got there he banged on the door franticly.
"Goodness Harry! What's happened to you?" squeaked Professor Flitwick.
"It's a long story, can I please come in?"
"Certaintly. Erm, do your cabbage friends have to come too?"
Harry nodded sadly. "I'll explain inside."
After Harry had told Professor Flitwick everything that happened he said, "Is there anyway you can fix this?"
"Well, sort of. There's no way of getting the charm off the cabbages but I can make them be attached to someone else."
"Oh yes, that's perfect! Can you make them follow Snape around instead?"
"Well, it's a tad mean but.....I suppose I could," said Flitwick. He got out his wand a did a quick charm that involved a lot of jabbing and twisting. When he was finished, all the cabbages flew out that open door and toward Snape's office.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!" Harry cried.
"Anytime Harry! Have a good day!"
"Bye Professor!"
*****************************
After that, Harry led a nice, some-what normal life. And Snape? Having a group of cabbages follow him everywhere and sing him show tunes? He couldn't have been happier.
-THE END-
anyone? anyone at all? :-\
*Falls from her chair, laughing so hard, tears flow down her cheeks* LMFAO!!!!! Great story!
tankoo! ;D ;D ;D
*Falls off back of chair laughing*That was so funny.
Oh my god!!! I didn't get to read the end till just now...but.oh my god That was SO funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 *is laughing so hard she can't breath*
This is completely poinless but its funny so keep going
uhhh..google? Its over. Done. The end. Finished! But it was hystericaly funny!
Ohh wow. I wrote that nearly two years ago. Hopefully I've evolved from that.
Anyway, thank you all for not making fun of my terrible writing! :)
I just loved this story so much. It was just so funny. I was to busy laughing to look for errors. Lol
I recommend all fans of Harry potter read this story!
Yep, I've read it. It's great!
This is soooo funny.....I read it to my friends who really thought this was the true story of Harry Potter....but they have never read a single Harry Potter book anyways