Zack was back.
Zack had finally returned to Hogwarts, finally, his tall figure appearing next to the lake, close enough, so that the ice waters lapped at the toes of his thick outdoor boots. He was an impressive sight against the near unreal landscape of forestry and gaping skies, and the large castle in the distance, dressed in all black, his weapon-calloused, bandaged, and still bleeding hands clasped at the small of his back. His shoulders were squared and his posture strict, but there was an aura of fuming fury about him that brought the casualness and simplicity of his attitude to hell.
Zack was fed up, with the arguments, political, economical, humanitary problems that always seemed to end in battles. Ever since he had run away from his former place of living (not close at all to ever being called a home) he had been faced and weighed with the responsibilities that had been waiting for him. He was tired of it all, fight after fight, day by day. He admitted freely that he himself did not mind an occasional fight, but battles and growing wars, all over, were beginning to wear on him. He hadn't wanted that.
Zack had returned to Hogwarts, for a break. To be with the only people he had ever thought to be his friends. To actually go to school, and sleep in a bed without worrying if there would be a blade across his throat overnight. There would always be one under his pillow now, but that was just a security measure he had always considered. Zack wanted a bit more of the semblance of homeliness that Hogwarts had once given him, and some time away from his other life.
He had not left his command unfaithfully - he had made sure positions were filled to take his place for a bit. Though he knew that eventually his well-received and respected leadership would be called on soon enough, Zack was out, in want to be out of the light of death.
Much like the last time he had appeared, weathered and bleeding and sore and exhausted, he was covered in dirt, dried and drying blood of both his and others', and souring sweat and sea salt particles. But this time, he was completely heathen with the icy, cold anger in his grey eyes, much like that of his cool concentration with weapons as he used them to the benefit of those he fought for. Anger of which was receding some, now that he had returned, but was crisper than any, here, had ever seen of him.
Zack sat, and lay back, folded his arms behind his head and let his eyes close against the dawn sunlight, passing out into a dead sleep, his aura, even, fading to a dull throb of the pain that etched through his body.
"You know, if you keep leaving without saying bye, I'm not gonna come say hi to you anymore." Ginny said, from beside his head. She was sitting, watching him. She rolled her eyes as she saw the blood and dirt.
"Can't even find someway to keep yourself clean. Jeeze Zack."
"I'll remember to bring a scrub brush next time. Strap it to my back, maybe, eh?" Zack replied quietly, peering out a a grey eye over to her, adverting his attention from his sleep to his old friend.
"I'm sorry Ginny," he said truthfully, "I hadn't meant to leave so quickly. You know how things happen. They just happen."
Zack watched her out of the corner of his eye, unmoving beneath his many layers of leather clothing, his body too sore to allow him much ability. He felt the fracture in his lower rib a bit more completely, now that he was actually laying down.
"But you could have said good bye." She said, just as quietly. She didn't look at him, at all.
"My friends seem to hate telling me they are going to leave."
"I know. It was just, I've never been good at goodbyes. I didn't know if I would be coming back."
Zack watched her with now both eyes.
"All the more reason to say good bye. You know, my block keeps me from reaching anyone outside a 100 mile radius, and my conscious keeps me from throwing away my block and contacting my friends." Still, she didn't look at him.
Zack opened his mouth, shut it, opened it again, failed miserably, and shut it, clenching his jaw.
He regretted heavily not saying bye to anyone. He'd known he wouldn't have gotten away with it. He had just hoped that it wouldn't sting so much. It stung. It hurt like a freaking drill through his stomach.
"I'm sorry," he repeated, the words still foreign to his mouth.
Zack didn't apologize much anymore. But he owed it to Ginny. He owed her much more than apology, he knew, but he was too rundown to think of something more creative.
Without even a wince, he sat up, kneading his knuckles absently over his aching ribcage.
"Do you need some medicine?" As determined as she was to stay mad at him, she couldn't. Zack was one of her oldest friends. Still, though, she didn't even glance at him.
"No. I don't need anything. Except for one of my oldest friends to actually look me in the eye."
Zack stood, forcing off any pain he was feeling with a seriously determined thought, his eyes never once leaving hers, even as his voice wavered in their low tones a bit.
Ginny looked down.
"I'm not looking at you for a very diffrent reason then you think." She said, staring at the dirt.
Zack sighed, ran a hand through his mud flaked dark hair, disgruntled at the sudden actual feeling that was echoing through him. He hurt a bit, more than physically, but emotionally. He had been away from his friends far too long. He didn't understand Ginny anymore. He had to get to know her again. Frustrated, and depressed at the confirmation of one of his worst fears, he groaned aloud.
"Ginny, I can't even begin to understand, unless you tell me what is going on. What happened here? What happened to you?"
He saw a fleeting glimpse of her old, smiling face dash before his eyes. His tones dropped considerably.
"Why don't I feel Dumbledore's presence anymore?..."
Ginny swallowed.
"I'm not a student anymore, Zack. And Dumbledore...I havn't been a student since he..." She couldn't keep talking as her teeth started chattering, and her hands started to shake. She clammped her teeth together.(The shaking this is what I'm doing here, it's so flipping cold!)
(here too. numbness has taken over :o :P )
"He... what?" Zack questioned, wondering why he even dared, for with the sinking feeling in his stomach, and the emptiness he had felt since he had arrived, just moments ago, he had a darkening feeling... NO. It couldn't be true... He stared desperately in Ginny's direction, waiting for her to continue...
"Dumbledore, he uh....there was this battle....and uh...he.....got hit with the...killing curse...and he's dead." Ginny's vocie wavered, as though she were about to cry. She didn't cry often.
Dumbledore was dead. The only person he had ever considered close to being close to a parent or true relative, was dead. Ginny wasn't a student anymore, and she wouldn't look at him. Zack was floored.
Zack extended a cold, pale hand in her direction, a gesture of the only kind of friendship and care he could exert right then.
"Will you stand? Please?" he questioned softly, motioning his hand, to help her up.
Ginny took his hand, looking at it as she stood. She let go of his hand and hugged herself.
Fighting the urge to run off screaming and plunge himself into the water close behind, and forcefully drown himself in the cold waters, Zack reached out, and hugged Ginny, a friendly, reassuring motion, concerned about her, more than he was himself. It felt awkward, to him, to be hugging someone after such a long time. And someone who probably wanted little to do with him anymore, anyway. He rested his chin upon her head, unnerved at her closeness to crying. He had seen Ginny cry only once. He couldn't even remember when that had been. Too long ago. Everybody deserved to cry.
Zack was a walking hypocrite. Never in mathematical years, would he let himself cry. Though he kind of wanted to, then.
"If looking at me is impossible," he said, backing away slowly, a hand on each of her shoulders, "then am I allowed to know, why?"
Finally she looked at him.
"I'm afraid of how much I've changed."
"Everybody changes. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. We can't stop things from happening. People change for various reasons. People react in.. different ways. Why are you afraid?"
Zack met her eyes directly, through the few strips of his dark hair that dangled before his face, the greys of his eyes cold and swirling with hurt, and loss, and confusion, and emotions he couldn't control, such as the rising steel chill he every day feared, rising up and plating his grip on his sanity, and ability to feel at all. There was so much he didn't want to face; he feared it would one day collapse in on him. His firm barriers began to splinter, then. He understood, why she was afraid...
She watched his emotions through his eyes. She didn't say anything for a long moment, ebfore she opened her mouth again.
"I don't...I don't like how I've changed. I wish I could say I've become a better person, but I havn't." She lowered her eyes. "I'm afraid, you'll see how much I've changed and not want to be my friend anymore."
Zack had been thinking the same thing about himself. Dam* near exactly the same thing. A literal shiver spiked through his body. He tried to smile, to reassure her, failed miserably, and simply brought her close again, she, Ginny, one of the oldest friends he'd missed the most, into another hug.
"I saw a lot of people, watched how they interacted with each other, fought, talked, and died together, when I was gone from here. Human nature, I s'pose, for everyone to change in ways according to who they will turn out to be, and for some people to split apart because of their differences. I saw these people out there, alone. Those people who couldn't adjust themselves to the turning cycle of life lived alone, and died alone."
He spoke in a low tone, quietly, gentle, unnerved more by her sadness then anything else. He backed away slowly, just slightly, to meet her eyes.
"Don't go on thinking that you've changed so much that I would abandon you. You're one of my oldest friends, Ginny. It doesn't matter to me. I'll still be there, though maybe not always in person."
Zack's insides went from a numb ice, to an exploding pain, his head swimming with questions and worries and sadness, his heart weighed down with a dozen bricks of solid lead. How would she, how would anybody, react to the amount he, had changed? For the first time since the day he had left, he felt that cool, sinking nervousness...
Ginny heard all she said, but one phrase repeated.
"Died together...." She said softly. She blinked, stopping the tears and shaking her head. Something bothered her about that. She looked up, her mind sliding back to the last thing he said.
"But if your not here in person...what does it matter?" She looked at him again. She shut her mouth suddenly. 'Why do I keep talking? I want to beleive him...but with everything happening, and the fact Conan's changed since that night...and...' She thought, hoping he wasn't peeking into her thoughts.
He wasn't listening on purpose...it was by habit that Zack listened to her thoughts, clear as if she'd said them aloud. It was only when she began to worry if he was listening in that he realized, and shut away his mind, sealing off any permeability.
" 'Cause I'll probably still be here in mentality. And hey, I'm back.. I'll try not to be gone from Hogwarts too much this year. And after, I'll find a way, no matter, for us to stay in touch. You're one of my oldest friends, Gin, I can't loose ya."
He gently patted her shoulder, unsure of how to move, though the motion came out quite smooth.
Slowly, Ginny nodded.
"Okay....." She looked up, still nodding.
"I'm sorry about that." She said sighing softly. "I'm sorry."
Zack attepted a grin. Failed.
"Don't apologize anymore, Gin. I've been gone too long. You deserve to run me over a few times."
He smiled at her, but then faltered.
"Dumbledore is really gone, though?..."
She nodded sadly.
"Yes. He's gone. McGonagll is the headmistress now. The School Board won't think or changing that. At first, they wanted to, but then alot of people told them not to."
"In other words, you and McGonnagal run the place. Got it. I must be on my best behavior... I must figure out how to do that, then. Check."
Zack grinned, framing his old light humored self, hiding sucessfully what other thoughts there might have been.
She smiled.
"Sorta. I don't teach, but I am in charge of students." She said, nodding.
He walked up to them and looked at Ginny and smiled."Some things never change."