(This is about Vanessa's life before Hogwarts, when she was around fourteen because she didn't find her powers till she was older. It's in first person point of view.)
--Chapter One--
I shook the box gently. "Pleaseee mom! Only one early Christmas present. I won't ask again till Christmas!"
I had always been one to push things because I was used to always getting my way. I smiled sweetly at my mother as I saw her straight face give in. "Fine Vanessa, you and Lisa can open one present."
I smiled even bigger, my ways always working. Then I turned to Lisa, laughing as I ripped the paper. We had been close, being twins. You never saw us appart. I was always the loud one, her the quiet. We balenced eachother out. She smiled back at me as we held up our gifts. I had gotten a new purse, even then I was fashion crazy. Lisa had gotton a new book. We turned to our mom, saying "Thank you!" in unison. My family was so normal back then, and now I look back on it like it was all a dream. There was no Voldemort then, no evil, no death.
Then I ran up to my room and called Maddy, we had been friends then even. She lived down the road and our moms had introduced us to eachother when we were still crawling. We had been best friends ever since. We were inseperable, always the partners in crime. And trust me, we were troublemakers! Lisa would hang out with us some, but after a while she prefered to keep to herself. I didn't realize how we were drifting apart...
Very good, I like your style. Just a tip though...type out your story in something like Word to help with mechanics and spelling. You don't have to save it, just type it out to get some help in that area.
I always have trouble writing first person, because I rather like being the omnipresent, all-knowing thrid person. haha. But great job. I look forward to more.
BUMP
love the start!
((First person is my favorite. You can really connect with the character! And thanks for the advice, I forgot to use spell check on the last one...))
--Chapter Two--
It was Christmas morning. I tiptoed down our spiral stairs, into our living room. I was always sneaky, expecially if I really wanted something. There they were, the mounds of presents. I gasped, running over to my Louis Vuton purse, Marc Jobbs heels, and other endless amounts of designer labels. This, I decided, was heaven. My parents walked into the room, their faces carring huge smiles. My mom took a sip of her steaming coffee and watched my father walk upstairs to get Lisa. But almost as fast as he got up there, he rushed back down. "Lisa's gone."
...
I best remember that morning walking around the snowy streets, yelling Lisa's name. We searched all day, even looking around her room for clues. But it was useless. That night I when I went to sleep, the tree was still surrounded by presents. I cried, after all Lisa was my sister and my true best friend. I didn't sleep that night. I spent the whole time looking out the big window, waiting to see her walk back up to the house. Before I knew it, the sun began to rise and I heard footsteeps from downstairs. "Vaness-ssa-aaa!"
"Comming mother." I said weakly, tired from my little sleep. I walked downstair to see her smiling. I didn't get how she could be happy, Lisa was gone! I rubbed my bloodshot eyes.
"I figured you should know that... Well your sister left to go to school in England. It's called Hogwarts. She is... A witch. As well as me and your father. Hopefully your powers will come soon. I just didn't want you to be worried. But me and your dad are leaving to go attend to some... important business. And until we get back, you will be staying with Maddy." I raised my eyesbrows, thinking that she was crazy. But I just nodded along, after all it was instinct. She smiled, kissing me on both cheeks and walked out the doors. She got into the car and her and my father drove off. And just like that, they were gone too.
Wow, Great job Vannessa! This is my most favorite fanfic on HPF. Keep up the good work! :D
nice, its getting good now
a lil more detail every now and then would make it better i think
--Chapter Three--
I loved staying with Maddy; we practically became sisters. It only took me a day to get over my parents leaving. I thought they were crazy secretly. A witch, I thought, How unreal... They didn't attempt to contact me, no phone calls or letters by mail. I forgot about them, after all there was nothing I could do. Maddy made sure I was never upset. We went to school, then straight to the mall. My parents had left me with something I never had control over before, all their money. I don't know why they left it, but I wasn't complaining. I definatly became friends with plastic that year; credit cards kept me happy. I didn't think about it running empty since my family was always very weathy. I really wasn't a bad kid at first; I hadn't devoloped my love for partying yet. But it was all comming too soon...
...
"Hey Vanessa, why don't you and Madds come hang out with us tonight?" Zach yelled from accross the hall. He was a two years older then me, and one of the most popular guys in our school. I had been popular then also. I nodded, giggling softly. I had never been to a party, but I was definatly up for it. He smiled. "I'll call you girls later..."
I walked down the hall, my nose in the air confindently. I could sometimes be stuck up, but all I cared about was fitting in. I didn't realize how mean I could be to everyone. All I could see was perfection and that was all I wanted. I walked over to Maddy's locker. "Hey... Up for partying tonight with Zach and his friends?"
She nodded excitedly. I had a feeling she liked Zach, but I didn't say anything. I just smiled, feeling like such a rebel. I brushed out the wrinkles on my new tank-top, with a baby-doll tee underneeth. I always wore cute clothes, usually ones I had bought the day before. Today I was wearing the tank with some matching brown flats and light wash jeans. My hair was perfect too, the brown curls spiriling down my back. I had become a perfectionist. I looked at the clock above our lockers, said bye to Maddy, and rushed off the class...
...
"Come onnn! Get in before the party starts without us." Me and Maddy rushed outside as we heard the guys impatient yells. I had picked out a mini skirt, a white and gray striped shirt, and silver jewelry. Maddy was dressed just as cute. We got into the car, slamming the doors behind us. We were packed with two other people in the backseat. The car started and we drove off... We were only 15 at our first party... And it definatly wouldn't be our last...
Good job! I loved that chapter. Keep it up.
--Chapter Four--
We walked into the party, the music blairing, people everywhere. I looked around to see people I knew, but most of them were collage kids. I looked back to Zach, hoping that maybe he would tell me what to do. I was lost. He just smiled, the casually walked over to some of his friends. A felt someone tap on my shoulder and turned around. A very handsome boy, probably three years older then me, handed me a drink. I smiled at him and he smiled back. "Welcome to the party. I'm Matt. And who would this beautiful girl be?"
"Vanessa..." I said, blushing. Here was a senior, flirting with me. I took the drink, chugging it down. I winced slightly as it burned my troat, but something about it made me want more. One glass and I was hooked. "What is this?"
"Vodka." The boy said with a devilish smile. "You like?"
I nodded slowly, then murrmered "Be right back." I ran off to go find Maddy. To my suprise, she was sitting next to Zach giggling, flirting like crazy. "Hey you lovers. Why don't you quit making out and enjoy the party?"
Since when was I a party girl? I smiled at them and they both laughed awkwardly. Zach stood up slowly. "You girls want something to drink?"
He asked, pointing towards the counter. I nodded, and he ran off. I sat down next to Maddy. "So how are you and Zach? An item yet?"
Those drinks were making me kind of obnoxious... Maddy shrugged. "I... I don't know."
She was acting defensive. Yep, she liked him. I gave her a knowing look and turned to see Zach, drinks in hand. I grabed one quickly, drinking it almost as fast. 15 years old and already having a drinking problem...
(Any comments, concerns, advice?)
Straight vodka? Boy those kids are rich...
Anyway, great job. I'm enjoying it. You keep the story flowing without being boring, and I like the character's hindsight.
Keep going, I'd like to read more.
(Yep. Straight Vodka. She grew up surrouded by rich.)
(I'll post more tommorrow. Gotta get some sleep.)
Great job. Keep it up! ;)
This is good and fun to read!
You have a style that is fun to read, and as Ginny said: You keep the flow in the story without making it boring! So...Bump!
--Chapter Five--
Overnight I had gone from Vanessa, the orphaned freshman to Vanessa, the party girl. I was wild, dancing on tables and drinking much faster then any of the guys. I was popular. I never realized how bad I had wanted it, but now that I had, the power was good. Guys stared at me, girls glared at me. And I was ready to use my power over everyone else. Maddy was always more of the follower, never as mean or as wild, but always there to back me up.
That morning I could barely move, my head aching and every noise extremly loud. I groaned as Maddy open the bedroom door, light flooding in. I couldn't remember most of last night... "Wake up V, it's lunchtime."
Her smile was near evil; she had always acted like a real sister- A pain. I loved her though; she was my best friend. I got up slowly, placing a warm hand on my head. "I'm comming..."
I looked in the mirror, my hair tostled and my makeup smeared. I brushed it down and wiped off the black smears. "Crazy night last night, huh? You were definatly wasted."
She gave me that smile again and I rolled my eyes. I had always had a lot of atitude, never the teacher's favorite. I slid on some decent clothes, a cute tee and some jeans, and touched up my makeup. Then I walked past Maddy, downstairs to the kitchen. I grabbed a couple of dollars and walked to the door. "Where do you think your going?"
Maddy crossed her arms, stareing at the wad of cash. "Just out for some lunch, calm down. You can come too. Well if your not going to go hang out with Zach..."
I smiled, the ***** I was, and waited for her response. She just rolled her eyes and walked off. I walked out the door. We lived in town, so I could easily walk to the Pizza shop. I walked down the street, wrapping my coat a little tighter around me as a gust of wind came. I picked up the pace, finnally pushing open the resterants doors, a burst of warm air rushing forward. I sat down in the back, my usually table. "Vanessa! See you at the next party?"
An older guy walked past me, smiling as he talked. His friends laughed along, their eyes gleaming. This, I decided, was the life. Hot guys, crazy parties, popularity. I leaned back in my chair, but almost fell backwards when he walked up. Chance... Ex- Boyfriend, hot, popular, and star basketbal player. "Hey..."
"Hey..." I said back, my voice distant.
"So I heard you went to the party last night. Have fun?"
Casual conversation, I thought. "Yeah. Were you there?"
"Nah, I had practice the next morning. And hangovers at practice suck."
I still liked him, even though I was the one who broke up with him. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Well maybe next time we can hangout?"
"How about this afternoon?" This week was full of suprises.
"Sure!" My voice was a little to excited. "I mean, if I'm not busy."
"Oh." His voice fell.
"I'm sure I won't be though." I said, quickly.
"Okay, I'll pick you up at 7. Movies?"
"Yeah."
"See you later."
"Bye."
This weekend was getting better and better.
It keeps getting better and better. Great job, keep it up as usual.
haha i like
keep writing
BUMP!
--Chapter Six --
"Miss Parkinson, I don't want to see this happen again." I nodded. Yes, I had messed up again. It was only a few monthes later. I dropped the can of spray paint as the principal stared me down. I looked at the side of the school, which had been graffitied, saying 'The closest thing to hell.' I was the only one to get caught, the others had ran before I saw the principal.
"I won't let it happen again." I said, looking down at my feet now. Why did I do it? I was so stupid.
"Even still, your suspended for a week." Great, now I had a week to get into even more trouble.
"I understand..." I said, on the verge of tears. "Ca... Can I go home now?"
"Yes, and I expect that you've learned your lesson." I nodded and started running, wind rushing though my hair, feeling as if nothing could stop me. I wasn't going home. That wasn't going to fix things. I was running away with the only thing I really needed, a credit card. I jumped the schools fence and heard a rip, my jeans now having a hole down the back of the leg. But it didn't matter. I needed to get out of here, and fast. I wrote Maddy a note and ran past her house, sliding it though the crack in the window.
...
Maddy,
I know your mad. How can't you be? I bet your thinking 'Why does she always ruin her life like this?' I'm sorry. I needed to get away and this is the only way. I'll miss you, and maybe we'll meet up again soon. I have my phone so I guess you can call. But don't try to stop me. 'Cause you can't. I don't know where I'm going. I don't even know where I'm going to sleep tonight. But don't worry about me. You know me, I find my way out of everything. I'm already missing you, and you don't know how bad I feel. I'll contact you as soon as possible with all the details.
Love you so much, Vanessa
...
The rain poured. Hard. It hurt, pelting against my soft skin. I thought about all my mistakes. I had been for hours. Someone my age really shouldn't have made that many mistakes. But I had. I thought I could replace my family with materialistic things, like money, but I couldn't. I was an orphan who gave up a warm home, food, a family, and my best friend. I was so stupid. A car honked as it drove by, spashing mud against my legs. A couple of collage guys were inside laughing. "Hey babe, wanna ride?"
I scrunched up my nose, mad, and gave them the figer. Then I ran again, leaving them behind. Time flew and before I knew it, I came upon another town. I walked into a small resterant, my stomach empty. "Oh darlin, you look so hungry. Let me whip you up something."
A heavier lady with a strong southern accent smiled at me. "I'm Darla. Have you been walkin, sweetie?"
I nodded weakly as the lady grabbed my arm. "Well welcome to Darla's. Its my resterant. Come in back and we'll get yall cleaned up. What's you name?"
"Vanessa Parkison. I've been walking for a few days. I ran away from home. Its a long story really." I said as she handed me a cheeseburger and fries.
"Poor girl. Theres a store right up the road that you can grab some clothes at after you eat. You can stay at my place for a while. We have pleanty of room since my husband died." Darla frowned. Most people don't trust stangers, but for some reason I knew that I sound take up this offer.
"I'll stay for a while, if you don't mind."
"Of course not! I've always wanted a daughter." Darla smiled and went back to cooking. And for a while, my problems were fixed.
(Post people =P )
BUMP! I love it! Keep it up!
at frist i didn't like the character, but now i like her. i really like it so far.
--Chapter Seven--
Darla was like the mom I never had. She cared about me so much. Thats why it hurt so bad to leave. I promised her I would come back and visit. I wanted to stay... But I had to fix things. So I set off again, this time under better conditions though. I had a car now. And my beloved credit card.
I turned the key quickly, the motor starting up. It had been three monthes since I first ran away now. I realized something for the first time... I needed to get back to school. I hated school, but I did want a decent future. So I decided to do something a little crazy. I drove to the nearest airport and made my way to London.
It must have sounded crazy. Really crazy. But my heart was telling me to go. It was calling me. I just wished I knew what for.
...
"Welcome to London. Plane 41 has just landed. Your luggage is will be out around 4:15." The lady's robitic voice sounded over the intercom. I glanced at my cell phone. 3:42. I had about a half an hour. So I walked over to the vending machine and grabbed some chips and a soda. Then I sat down on one of the nearby couches. I glanced around the room, then yawned. I couldn't sleep last night at the thought of going to another country.
I pulled out my phone and glanced at the background picture. It was of me and Maddy. I missed her so much. I punched in several numbers, then hit send. I had to text message her. I had to talk to her again. So I sent her a text that simply read: "Hey... Just checking in on everything. I miss you and love you so much. Vanessa."
Suddenly the phone went off, and I quickly grabbed it. I opened the text. "Vanessa... Its great to talk to you again but I really shouldnt be on my phone. I'm at school right now. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
I sent a text back saying okay. I couldnt even talk to her. I looked down at my feet, my eyes watering. I missed everything that I gave it. So so much. I wanted it all back. But you can't change the past.
So I glanced at the time again. It was 4:12. I decided to go get my luggage. I walked over, fighting the crowd, untill I found my pink Louis Vution suitcase. I pulled it away and walked towards the airport doors.
Sometimes when you make mistakes, you just need a new start. A clean slate. So I was going to get one here in London. 'Cause on this crazy trip, my goal was to do one thing. Find myself.
[Anyone gonna post? =(]
POST MORE!!
B-U-M-P!! :D I love the fan-fic....I haven't read a story like this in a long time. Keep on writing and I will keep on reading.^^
(YAY! People posted! Haha!)
--Chapter Eight--
London was beautiful. Everything seemed to have this special shine to it. It was so much different then home. I walked down the sidewalk, my black high heels clicking agaisnt the cement sidewalk. I put on a pair of oversize Gucci sunglasses and walked to the side of the sidewalk, getting on one of London's famous red two story buses. I sat down, staring out the window. I could see the Big Ben and many other famous sites. The bus stoped at London Park. I got off the bus.
Suddenly I stoped, almost as if time had stoped. Lisa. She was on the other side of the park. I slid of my heels and ran across the park. "Lisa! Lisa! It's Vanessa!"
She turned to face me, her face suprised. "Va-Vanessa? Oh my gosh..."
I hugged her tightly, tears falling down my cheaks. "I can't believe its you... I thought I would never see you again. This... This is crazy. I mean, its been forever..."
Lisa nodded and noticed her wiping away a few tears. She looked at me. "I know... This is insane. I've missed you so much... We've got a lot to catch up on. Follow me."
I walked beside her and for once, I was following her instead of her following me.
---
She led me to a small house outside London. She dug in her bag for a key, opening the door slowly. She pushed it open and turned on the lights. I walked in behind her, setting down my bags. I looked around the small home. "Is this place yours?"
She looked over at me. "Yeah... I bought it so I would have somewhere to stay durring the summers. Want something to eat?"
"No... I'm fine." I said, walking around. I looked at a framed picture on the wall. It was of her and my parents. I missed out on so much. I wondered why they had ever left me... "How are mom and dad?"
Lisa got tense, but the quickly calmed down. "Uh... They're fine." She said simply. She walked over to her fridge and poured herself a drink.
"Oh... Okay." I said, figuring she didn't want to talk about them. "Well I'm dead tired. I think I'm going to go to sleep. We'll have to hang out tomorrow though. Night." I walked into her living room and layed down on her couch, quickly falling asleep.
This story is really good! Bump!