Harry Potter and the Great Escape

[Harrys_girl_friend]

     One day Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Sirius (who was in his animagi form of a dog) were walking along the waters edge and then Ron shouted out "Look, i think i saw something glinting over there by the water!"  I wonder what it could be" said Hermione so the four of  them walked over to were it was and thay saw a glass bottle with something in it. "Bloddy briliant!" said Ron as the opened the bottle.  " I don't know about this. it could blow up in our faces as soon as the lid comes off." Harry had been saying the whole time. " Harry I always thought of you as the bravest friend i ever had!" said Ron franticaly. "Sirius what do you think?" said hermione. "well if you ask me just throw the bottle till it breaks and then get whats inside."he said "Ok lets give it a try" Hermione said. So they threw the bottle about 27 times until it broke and they got the letter out.



     How is it so far? well?


                          TO BE CONTINUED....

[Prami]

Well, there's not much to decide on but from what you have so far, I would say... keep writing! I would like to see what the letter is!

Also, when you write, whenever someone talks you have to start a new paragraph or else it gets really confusing. For example:

 One day Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Sirius (who was in his animagi form of a dog) were walking along the waters edge and then Ron shouted out "Look, i think i saw something glinting over there by the water!"  

"I wonder what it could be" said Hermione so the four of  them walked over to were it was and thay saw a glass bottle with something in it.

"Bloddy briliant!" said Ron as the opened the bottle.


Keep writing!

[.:~*Shuiliya*~:.]

Yes, Prami is right.
There isn't much story to determine if it's good or not yet, so post more!!  :)  I, too, would like to see what is in the letter!

[Harrys_girl_friend]

Ok I get the idea of the paragraph and the story is just getting started ok well here goes!


     " I cant make out what it says" hermione had been saying.
     "Here let me give it a go!"said Sirius.
     " It says this message is to tell you that if you try to find me and you are succesful you will be granted with a special gift!" " If you don't find me, you will be companied by ghostly spirts, meaning you, and your dead friend's!"
      " I can't make out the rest of this letter, Hermione!"
said Sirius

     "let me try!!" said an unpatient Ron.
     " it says follow these clues!"
     " Clue number 1, go to the Sweetshop downtown and ask to use the phone and dial 222-3433 thats how to get clue number 2!"
      " Then you will follow the clues from then on!"
     

       To be continued!!!!!!!!!

[.:~*Shuiliya*~:.]

So far there is only dialogue.  You need to put in more discription.    But you've got down the paragraph thing!  ;D  So far, this is pretty cool.  It's interesting, but there is still too little story... I also think that things are going by too fast.  Otherwise, it's intriguing, and keep it up!  :)

[Harrys_girl_friend]

     they knew what  they had to so they walk carefully dowtown to the sweetshop and as they were walking a peg leged, green haired, bushey ebrowed witch walked up to them and said "Hello. my name is agness. agness wart. so pleased to meet you! i am the local potionist for the town and i was wondering if you wanted to come to tea?"
     " Um no thats ok we might later though." said Hermione politly
     " ok deary here is my address- 309 pintoint bulavard over by the wand shop. you see the wand shop is 3 miles away from the sweet shop."
     " ok well hope to see you soon" said ron in a tone of voice that made the witch smirk.
     "well i'm glad she's gone!" said sirius
     "me too!" said harry
     so the headed on their way to the sweet shop and when they got there they saw a weired looking man that looked firmiliar


 To be continued...

[.:~*Shuiliya*~:.]

 ???  Who is he?  ???

[Harrys_girl_friend]

he who? what you're confusing me oh well on with the story!


     they walked closer to the man who was accompanied by a person they didn't see before. he was a shadowey man and very thin at that
     they walked closer and closer until the man looked up and his companion dissipired into thin air.
     "Mr. Lockhart!" hermoine exclaimed.
     " Are you talking to me?" lockhart asked.
     " is that my name?" he said
     " why of corse it is!" hermione said forgetting he lost his memory.
     "Hermione did you forget he lost his memory in the chamber of secrets?" said Harry hastilly.




       TO BE CONTINUED....

[.:~*Shuiliya*~:.]

heeheehee!  ;D

[Prami]

The story is looking great! But, if you would like to improve it even more, I would suggest putting different words instead of "said". You could say "he exclaimed" or "he gasped". You get the idea... Also, capitalize (sp?) the begginging of sentances and names okay?

The story's very interesting! More please!

[Harrys_girl_friend]

     "Oops i forgot" she said looking quite emmberrased.
     "thats ok Hermione" harry said politely.
     "Alex quick! bring a jar wes gots a live one!" yelled a waiter by the phone.
     " coming!" yelled alex
     "i wounder what it is?" questioned Hermione
     "It's a teelo phony." said lockhart


          TO BE CONTINUED....
 well thats all for know bye

[hpcoolest5]

Ah, Prami? Rons_Girl_Friend? Are you two new? Haven't seen you around here before! Rons_Girl_Friend, the story is great! Just remember to use correct spelling, grammar and punctuation. E.g.
"Oops, I forgot," she said, looking quite embarrased.
"That's okay, Hermione," Harry said politely.
"Alex, quick! Bring a jar, we've got a live one!" yelled a waiter who was standing by the phone.
"Coming!" yelled Alex.
"I wonder what it is?" questioned Hermione.
"It's a teelo phony," replied Lockhart.

[Harrys_girl_friend]

Oh hpcoolest5 it is me Harrys_girl_friend i just changed my name thats all. well more story 2 come!

     "Mr. Lockhart, it isn't the phone their after it's some thing else." replied Sirius.
     "but what i wounder?" said Hermione
     "lets go chech it out!" said harry eager to go and find something out.
     "oh fine then, lets go!"hermione barked.



sorry couldent write much but does enyone have a clue what is going to happen next???? well more later bye.

[hpcoolest5]

U could make it that they r after someone who escaped from the wizard prison with Sirius! U know how he escaped? What if he took another innocent friend with him? ???

[Harrys_girl_friend]

True Quite True Cassie. But what do you think they are trying to catch??