The death of the Prewetts

[Axel]

The moon reflected in the puddles that could be seen every now and then on the deserted road. Dirty little houses were placed along the road, some were still inhabited, but most of them were deserted.
Antonin was standing beside the window, scanning the empty street. A perfect night for a crime. Especially for one such as serious as they have planned. Dolohov turned with his back to the window and axamined the bodies of dead Muggles. 'Well, trying to fight was very stupid of them' he thought and a grinned. One body was lying on the floor with a look of pure terror on the it's face. It looked unharmed. The Avada Kedavra curse didn't leave any marks. It looked like the man dropped dead on its own accord. He was still clutching a shotgun. Antonin didn't have a lot of experience with these silly muggle inventions, but from what Avery has told him, it was a kind of a "metallic wand the muggles use to kill each other". Antonin examined the second body which was lay in the doorway. It was a body of another man though he looked much younger than the first man. That body was a real mess. The man clothes were covered in blood and there was a deep gash on the man's throat. Antonin bent down to examine the gash. It looked like it has been done with a dagger - exactly as Snape has described. Sectumsempra was a useful spell. Dolohov grinned once more. Behind his back five people apparated, it sounded like five gunshots. Dolohov turned around. He gave a little nod to Bellatrix Lestrange and examined the other five people. They all wore the same assorment of garments - dark robes, dark cloak with a hood and a mask. He recognised several of them, the other oe was suposedly named Crabbe (he didn't know him personaly). The last man wasn't wearing a mask, his skin was wery pale, almost milk-white.
'All right, let's do it. Bellatrix time to act. These are the bodies'
Antonin smiled at her and she returned the smile. He liked her. She was good-loking and was rumored to be The Dark Lord's best servant. That was enough for Dolohov to have a good relationship with her.
Bellatrix stepped to one body and muterred 'Inferis!'
The corpse was lifted from the ground and positioned on its feet. There was a strange green shining in the body's eyes. She stepped to another body and repeated the spell. The body rose exactly the same way.
'Why do you need Inferi for this?' she asked Antonin.
Dolohov grinned. 'Should be more fun with them eh?'
Bellatrix smiled and Disapparated in a swish of her dark cloak.
Dolohov turned to the other Death Eaters. 'Let's go' he said much less warmly.

[Axel]

Hi all, this is my first ever fan fiction, so I'd like to know if you like it, give me some advice. I haven't written enough to expect commentaries, so just tell me if there is something I should correct or improve.

[mamabiscuit]

I think it's great it's really dark and mysterious and i just want to know what these lot are going to get up to.
awh one suggestion break it up and bit paragraphs with wholes space bars cos it's easier to read don't know why that might just be me might need to see opictian

[Axel]

Gideon was sitting on the sofa and rereading Dumbledore's letter. Albus was advising him and his brother Fabian to go into hiding. Gideon didn't like the idea. He was a fighter by nature and he didn't want to sit in safety while all the other members of the order where in danger. But Dumbledore said that this is only temporary. The Dark Lord was after the Prewett brothers, they've given him a great deal of trouble, they caught and sent to Azkaban some of his most loyal Death Eaters and even killed one. Gideon didn't agree with Bartemius Crouch's latest decree, according to which Aurors now had the power to use Inforgivable curses on Death Eaters. And the fact that Gideon's own brother thought that violence must be fought with violence only made matters worse. It was Fabian who killed that Death Eater. Gideon didn't discuss that story with his brother, but somehow he felt guilty. He didn't know why.

Gideon sighed and returned to reading. As it said in the letter, Dumbledore will be arriving today to perform he Fidelius charm. And there it was - a knock on the front door. It was odd. Of course Dumbledore would have Apparated. Gideon stood up, his hand gripped his wand in the pocket of his robes and approached the door cautiosly. He opened the door. Behind the door stood Alfred Gordon, on of his neighbours. It took only a second for Gideon to realise, that it no more was Alfred Gordon. There was a bleeding gash on his throat and his eyes where shining in a mysterious green color. It was an Inferi. Gideon jumped back, and set the Inferi on fire with a spell.

'Fabian! They've come for us! Get ot the back door'

The Inferi was on fire, but it sill moved towards Fabian.
Impedimenta!
The Inferi slowed down and then was sent flying out of the house through the open door. It landed hard on the ground and didn't move any more. A Death Eater appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
Avada Kedavra!
Gideon dodged the killing course and shouted Stupefy!
Protego!
The stunner was deflected by the Shielding Charm and shattered one of the windows.

Fabian barely had time to reach the back door.
Colloportus!
The door was now magically locked?#, but of course it wouldn't hace stopped the Death Eaters.
Reducto!
The door was blasted of its hangings and flew inside the house

[mamabiscuit]

Excellent!!!!
Thanks for breaking it up easier on the eyes
Now tell me do they escape???  :o :o