Fast-Food Thoughts

[Kiara Johnson]

((Ok yes this takes a bit of reading but it is well worth it.  huggles to you all)


Ok people here it is, the thing that I have been wanting to say but really didn't know quite how to put it then just now decided it just simply had to be stated as harsh as it sounds and as mean as it might come across to some of you, here is how and why you should act a certain way and conduct yourself in a certain manner make it quick and simple at a fast food restaurant.  I suppose you could kind of take this as a customer-training course of sorts, seeing as how they just simply do not offer it.  Professor Kerri will train you and guide you through the necessary materials and then when you are done, perhaps if you listened, you will be able to make it through the drive-thru and not only have your order made correctly, but made as well as it should be too.



Ok I will start with attitude.  Leave it at home, if you are pissed at your boyfriends or whatever, do not take it out on the team member trying to serve you this will only prove to make certain that your food is made improperly or perhaps you may be 'accidentally' missing an item or two or three.  Any attitude other than pleasant will result in a very bad experience indeed.  Don't get upset if they are trying to rush you through the drive-thru it is not their fault, people's jobs are quite seriously on the line in Fast food for speed of service so you can bet your mothers life that they will indeed try to make you hurry on your way, they do not do so to try and be mean or rude it is just simply their jobs we are talking about and the jobs of the ones they call boss and friend.  Believe me yes, people who work in a fast food job are a family you mess with one; you might as well be taking on the entire team.  It is a loosing battle in the end for the customer either way you look at it for they will never have good food there and they will always be treated like the enemy in that case.



Ordering at the drive–up speaker.  Ok this is a BIG ONE listen carefully so I do not have to repeat this now.



OK here is where a lot of customers fail in etiquette.  Please by all that is and all that will be, know what it is you want BEFORE you pull up to that speaker.  If you don't know the menu or just are simply having a hard time trying to figure out what fattening and delicious product you wish to consume, go inside.  The drive-thru is for customers who are indeed in a hurry it is not a place to sit idly in your car, talk on your cell phone and discuss what your mom is going to make for your cousin's best friends sister's Bar Mitzvah or whatever the conversation may be.  It is designed to get you through as fast as they can with little to no hassle.  Of course, this idea is always shot down because you as a customer can't seem to get it through your head as to just how rude and annoying you are when you have no clue what you want and the cars are lining up behind you because you have to call your husbands sister's best friend to find out at that precise moment if they want something or not.



Ok now on to how to treat your order taker for a better result in gaining great food from the chosen fast food place you wish to dine at.  VERY IMPORTANT



OK you drive up to the speaker; the order taker greets you.  What do you do?



A. Sit there and ignore them?

B. Say hummmm

C. Say thanks I want.....



If you answered C. then you are off to a good start, if you answer A or B then we really need to work on you.  Ok, first off, the order taker has asked you a question, to ignore them is very rude and quite irritating.  We don't care if you respond immediately with your order and disregard our greeting just so long as you acknowledge that we have talked to you.  That is all we want and please NEVER say "Are you there?"  Come on people of course we are there.  what? Do you think we've gone home or something in the 30 seconds or so it has taken you to put your addled brains into gear and figure out what it is that you wanted?  Silly people, honestly.



Next, DO NOT try and take the role of "I'm better than you" simply because a person is working at a fast food chain doesn't make them stupid.  As a matter of fact I have a BA in English and have worked for a HUGE company auditing their books, I simply choose to work where I do because I hated pushing papers for a living, it was dry and boring.  If you take this stance, chances are, your food will be messed with in some callus manner that you would never even realize, of course, each time you have come in and have had that attitude your food has been made the same way and so, you really don't know what you are missing I suppose.  'Holier than thou' attitudes in short will get you no where, and I would like to have a conversation with you at some point just to see how much 'smarter' you really think you are than myself. (Insert evil grin here)



Finally on this point I would like to discus adding things to your order at the window.  THIS IS A BIG NO NO.  Like I have stated earlier, you should know what you want before you pull up to the speaker.  You will not be received with a positive attitude when you are ordering an item at the window, trust me, it is better to just simply pull around and make a new order than to do this, that item you receive will indeed be made much better if you do.  Many a time I have forgotten an item when ordering and each time even though I might have been in a hurry, I have either just gone without or simply pulled back around again.  It doesn't hurt you know.



OK now for the way you act towards things team members wear.  Honestly, does it really matter if the person has the right name on or not?  Don't you have better things to do with you time than complaine and whine about what a persona nametag says?  I could understand if it said f**k Face or something like that, but HONESTLY how can you be so small minded and selfish that you would have to take the fun away from a silly nick name on a nametag?  Or along those lines does it really matter to you that much if people are having a little fun on their job?  You know, happy fast food workers will always make better food for you cuz they won't be stressed.  Think about it, I am certain that your addled mind can come up with the solution and even make its way to finding that I am right and you are just being mean, its easy to be mean you know?  I find it is harder and more worthwhile to see the humor in something than to complain about it because you are so ugly or have had a bad day.  Try smiling sometimes it helps.



Ok, ok ok yes we mess up sometimes; we are only human after all, we are NOT robots and remember also that we do not read minds, contrary to popular belief. Please take this into account when we do indeed forget an item or screwed you order up totally.



Now how to handle on order that has been messed up.  You DO NOT come into the store guns blazing yelling and growling at us, calling us stupid or idiots will get you no where fast, as a matter of fact I handle it very poorly and will intentionally mess your order up again just to make you even more angry and I will laugh when you come back again too, and trust me, I will let you know it.  I delight in making stupid customers angry it is fun to see them 'froth at the mouth' I wonder often times how early they are going to die of that heart attack that will be caused by their bad form and rising tempers and so, I will push just that little extra, perhaps one day I truly will be able to say "I indirectly helped cause that idiots death." Laugh and then shrug my shoulder and go on with my life. Heehee sorry I kinda got off track there with my fantasy.  (Clears throat)  Now back to the subject at hand.  In short, once more, if you simply bring the mistake to our attention in a quite, friendly manner we will be more than accommodating, as a matter of fact, I have been known to even make an extra item for those customers who are polite and know that I am a human.





Ok now to let you all know that this is only directed at the people who come into a fast-food restaurant and are evil, mocking impolite addle brained and just simply stupid.  I have done some math on this subject and have come to the conclusion that 8 out of ten customers are bad customers and to those small few of you that are not just let me say that I send you loads of huggles and many thoughts of a long delightful life.  To those of you who are the bad ones, let me tell you right now that it is never too late to change and if you don't soon, I will get to you, I will see you withering on the floor in painful agony of a stress induced heart attach and I will be laughing at you the entire time.



Huggles to you all

~K~