A child's cry

[Xaver]

"That's alright," he said softly. "It's going to take a lot of people time to trust me.. either again, or at all... Especially your parents.. And I can understand that. I hurt you, Ginny. And all I have is an excuse, not even an answer, for them. That I 'don't know' isn't nearly good enough for me - I can't even imagine what it is to them.. Or you."

There was no trace of a smile, anymore.

He was looking at her hair, as he twiddled with it like he used to do, long ago, his head close to hers.

[Ginny Weasly]

Ginny did want more than what he offered as an explination. She wanted to know why he had left in the first place, why he hadn't come back, and if he had missed her.

But she also understood that he had no memory of the past three years.

She didn't say anything, just closed her eyes and thought about how wonderful it was to have him near her now. How great it was that Cody had his dad. And how much she loved him.

[Xaver]

When Ginny closed her eyes, Xaver's eyes flickered over her, the weariness, and concern, and uncensored love, let free over his features.
He owed Ginny an explanation, above all. Owed it to her. If there was anything he could give her, to pay reparations for his absence.. Besides his love, it had to be that. Xaver knew then that he would have to start looking, start searching.. If there was any hope for his own sanity.

After a moment, Xaver pressed a kiss over Ginny's forehead, slipping a leg between hers, and he both pulled her close, and snuggled closer, until he was as close as he could physically be to her. With one arm wrapped snugly over her back, but gently, the other laced with her fingers over his abdomen, her head upon the hard planes of his chest, he bowed his face into her hair, planting another kiss, before, with a slight force of his will, the lights dimmed, then went completely out.

"Sleep soundly, Ginny," he said, his tones low, and slightly husky. Quiet.  "I love you."

[Ginny Weasly]

"I love you too, Xaver..." Ginny murmered back, already relaxed and at ease in his arms. She fell asleep thinking of his words quietly.

And dremt of them.

-I thought...I might never...see you again...- Ginny's thoughts to Xaver, in the dark forest. He carried his younger sister, having just argued with his twin. It had scared her.
-Nothing and no one could ever keep me from coming back to you, except your own will, Ginny. I-..- He paused, and Ginny couldn't help but speak aloud.
"You what?"
"I love you.... Did you know that?.." She was silent now for a moment, her happiness knowing no bounds.
"Xaver, I know...alot of things. But I didn't know that. One of the things I know, is that I love you."
"I've never said it before, but I don't think any other time before now could have been more truthful..."

Ginny's eyes flickered open, not two hours later. Late enough that it was begining to be early, with light starting to show in the windows. Ginny didn't move, just closed her eyes again and lay there, listening to Xaver's heart, the house, and for any noises of Cody.

[Xaver]

Xaver murmured a few soft words into Ginny's hair, remaining awake, thoughtful, for only a few moments, before dreams swept him away, as well. As always, her presence soothed him, at first, and he dreamt little, if nothing. Soon, though, like so many nights before, he was enveloped in the thoughts the recesses of his mind kept hidden from him. Or, kept pushed away.


"PLEASE, Xaver... show me the mercy I taught you to understand!"

Xaver looked down, his gaze empty. Relaying nothing of any thought, or emotion going behind the deep blue eyes that were shut off from the world, with an effort that was forced. The chill about him, dangerous.

"You ..betrayed me. You. You did it."
Xaver blinked.
"You. Of all people. You did it," he repeated, almost as if he had to hear it again, just to make substance of the words. To make them real.
And there was nothing to stop them from becoming real.

"Xaver, I'm sorry! Milord, please-"
"Darkness, Aaro. My position in our world is right now worthless to me."
"Mi-"
"STOP IT!"
"My-"
"AARO!"
"XAVER-"

Xaver leaned down, and gripped Aaro's shirt, lifting the aged Angel, and swinging him in a sort of half circle, slamming him into a solid stone wall with enough force to shatter bones in the huge white wings crushed behind the man. Aaro had aged, significantly, though it was perhaps his age, and wisdom, that had kept him alive through the recent years. His hair was a soft, very light brown, still, a golden hue, his own eyes the darkest of chestnuts, his figure still fit as would be permitted - the wear, it seemed, had run over his features. Darkened him. But right then, as Xaver slammed him against the wall, and pain licked his expressions and brought out a cry of pain, their features were matched. Both burdened, and filthy, tears moistening the dirt that caked their cheeks.
"You sold me out!"
"I-"
"Don't you DARE conjure more lies!"
"I WILL NOT! Xaver, LISTEN to me!"
"What in this realm or the next can you possibly have to say?! Haven't you done it all? They are never going to stop looking for me, do you understand that? NEVER. And because of YOU-"
"I. AM. SORRY."

Xaver threw him to the ground, shaking his head, folding his arms as Aaro picked himself up. Slowly. The wings behind him weren't their usual white at all. They were shredded. Bloodied. Tattered.
"I'm sorry-"
"You are not forgiven, you unruly piece of vermin."

Aaro bowed his head, shaking it, his expression becoming almost mournful.
"I've ruined it all, haven't I?"
"You've done a pretty good job, too."

The old Angel almost chuckled, though darkly so.
"You've too much of your father in you, boy."
Xaver threw a snarl his way. "I am not my father," he hissed.
"Perhaps," Aaro retorted, pushing his luck. And he knew it. "But you're definitely the bastards chosen bastard."

Xaver clenched his jaw, and Aaro cried out in pain, falling to his knees, though there was no visible force harming him. Xaver stepped toward him, and the old man panted in relief once the spell was broken, looking up when Xaver stopped before him.

"I taught you everything you know about kindness, Xaver," Aaro said, very quietly. "Even back in the beginning, don't you remember?"
"Stop it, old man."
"You were such a cold-hearted sh!t back then," Aaro pressed. "You're better at it now. Even Xences can't compare. What. A. Prodigy."
"Quit-"
"Don't you remember?" he mocked. " 'There was blood! So much! And-' "

Xaver's foot connected squarely with Aaro's jaw, and the old man's head snapped back, and he flew a few feet, before landing in a heap. He was slower to roll to his knees, this time.
"You betrayed me," Xaver hissed. "It would be immoral of me to not return the favor..."
The old man was laughing, even when Xaver's hands connected with his throat..


And, suddenly, it was cold.
Wet, hard raindrops pelting his back, and the side of his face, a surprisingly soft breeze grazing his body, as he slowly opened his eyes.

Aaro's glazed, hardened eyes stared back at him, his light orbs lined with a fire red, his mouth parched, and wings still shredded.
Xaver was on his side as well, and they were facing each other, in the exact way they had, when Xaver had first awoken...

It was as Xaver had first awoken, with conscious memory...



Xaver jerked awake, the dark blue oceans of his eyes flying open. He was still in Ginny's arms, though he had fidgeted some, loosening the hold they'd had when they'd fallen asleep together.
He tore away from her then, with no effort to be slow, or quiet, or careful. Nearly tripping over himself when his feet finally hit the floor after he jumped out of bed, he half ran, half dragged himself into the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before his stomach upended, and emptied itself.
Shaking, badly, Xaver flushed the toilet, slumping back against the sink cabinet, groaning.

[Ginny Weasly]

Ginny slipped out of bed after him, much quieter than he had, following him to the bathroom. She watched him sit there, groaning.

She stood a few feet in front of him, then knelt down, sitting beside him. She watched him for a moment before asking, "Feel any better?"

[Xaver]

Xaver looked at her slowly, after she spoke to him, showing no signs that he'd even noticed her before that, his gaze distorted.
"Ugh..."

He closed his eyes, dropping to his side, and curling up slightly, his arm over his head against the early morning light spewing in through the small window.

"The way I taste, you'll never want to kiss me again," he said, hoarsely, keeping his tones light, though there was an underlying shiver.

[Ginny Weasly]

Ginny laughed, lowly, "Honey, you can't get me to stop kissing you that easily." She absently reached over, touching his hair, playing with it. She looked at him with questionable eyes, "Really, are you ok?"

[Xaver]

"Good for me. Very good for me. Yuck for you."
Xaver's eyes, hidden by his arm, fluttered closed at her touch, finding her comfort soothing, though his stomach still rolled uneasily. He began to move, lowering his arm. His stomach growled, as if to voice its own opinion. Xaver stopped, becoming still once again.

"I.. I think I killed him, Ginny. I didn't see me doing it.. But..."

Xaver shook his head and sighed.
It was as if he hadn't gotten any sleep, at all. As if those solid hours had been sucked away from him. Like the night prior. And the one before that. And the one before that. And the next one...
His stomach grumbled again, and he groaned.

"Uugh."

[Ginny Weasly]

"Killed who, my love?" She asked quietly. She continued playing with his hair, her brow furrowed a bit.

"Stay still, or you might throw up again."

[Xaver]

Xaver didn't move. He didn't think he could muster the will to, at the moment, anyway.
"My best friend, and long-time comerade," he said, very softly. He blinked. "Aaro. Who's body I awoke beside ...moments before I returned to you."

He couldn't tell, anymore, if he was fighting to hard to keep the emotions down, or the hot, angry bile...

[Ginny Weasly]

Ginny nodded once, her eyes leaving his face and traveling to the wall. She twirled a lock of his hair around her fingers, absently. She heard his words, registered them, and amazingly wasn't shocked by them.

"Have you an understanding as to why you would have killed him?" She asked.

[Xaver]

"Yes."
His gaze never left her, following her expressions, and when she looked away from him he wasn't quite certain what that meant.
As the dream, or memory, or whatever he was supposed to call it these days, began to sink in, the light-hearted mood Xaver had fallen asleep with darkened with it.

"No surprise, that I might possibly have been the one who mutilated and murdered my old friend?"

[Ginny Weasly]

"No." Now she looked at him, her own eyes darkened with a realization, "For I am just as capable of doing the same thing. Almost did."

She was silent, the, "And what is the reason that you might have killed him, my love?"

[Xaver]

"No."

Xaver didn't move.
"He had betrayed me. Sold me out to someone, a 'them'... and that I guess had ruined everything."
He laughed, and it was nothing more than bitter.

" 'Show me the mercy I taught you to understand,' " he quoted, his low tones threaded with both an almost painful sarcasm, and something Xaver hadn't at all meant to reveal : confusion.

If the man who had taught him the bases of the first sense of real kindness since his mother's death was an old lying, two-faced fraud, then where did that leave him?
You are what you know, and if he'd learned from him...

Feeling like he was going to be sick again, but forcing it away, he sat up, trying for expressionless. Before, he had been a master at it. Now - he couldn't even begin to wrap his thoughts around trying.