Demi Williams(plzz comment. i'm new)

[demiw.13]

Name:  Demi LeAnn Williams
AGE:  14
Height 5'4"
Appearance:She has shoulder length red hair with side cut bangs. She's very pale but her lips are a dark red. Her eyes are a light green color that hide behind her bands. Her ears are a little small that attach to her head unlike other ears but she is still weirdly pretty. She has really longs legs but her thighs are a little chunky. She has a birthmark on her shoulder. And i know it's weird but i'm saying she has medium sized boobs. (i'm a girl i can say it.) She mostly wears dark black eyeliner on the underlid of her eye with occasional mascara. Her nails are always a funky color and she's always wearing a butterfly necklace. 
RACE:  witch(i don't really get this???)
Parents:  Michelle and Chace Williams
Personality: Shy, quiet, keeps mostly to her self but will talk to you if you start the convo. She has issues with trust and it takes a while for her to truly trust a person enough to tell them things about herself. She's a little insecure but doesn't care a lot about what people think about her.
Likes:having personal time,her father,friends.
Dislikes:thinking about too many things at once,social people.
Power:witch, (can i be an animagus???)
History: her mom was a muggle and got married to her wizard father. they had her a year after they were married then 5 years later her mom died in a car accident on her way to london. That's why she has the butterfly necklace. her mom loved butterflies and it was hers when she was a little girl. she and her father have always had a close bond since then and haven't given up on each other. Her father works at the ministry in the department of mysteries. she has been tutored for many years but decided to go to hogwarts to learn some more magic. she knows some people because of her dad but is still to quiet to make friends so help me!!!!! :-\

[Miss Xantier]

This is very nice, the only person that I know that help you is Ginny or Fudge. This is way better than mine.

[fudge0604]

Good. I liked her. I will give ya sum help... IN EXCHANGE OF A HUUUUUG!!!!! *Opens arms, ready for a bear hug*

Just kidding. I'll go through it with you, and give you some good advice, and some links that might help you out.

Okay. You have described your character well, but there are some parts missing. How is her face? Is it gentle, with smile holes?
Does it have marked chinbones? Add some flesh to the bone. (( Not just about the face, everything! ))

The race; You can be a witch, A vampire, a fairy, a werewolf, what suits you best. ( Even though I recommend you not being a vampire, there are SO many of them here! It can be a bit boring. ))

Personality; Why does she have issues with trust? You can add in her history or personality, that she has had many distrustfull friends, which has done so that she has gotten issues with trust? Be creative.

Likes And Dislikes; Not so important, but, they do have an important role with your personality. Always try to synchronise the Likes and Dislikes with personality. But keep that in mind, you haven't done it badly here.

Your history is good, but it can be improved, as everything else here. Everyone has something that can be improved.

If you want, you can be an animagus, but there are many here.

It would be wise of you to update this often, most likely after every fifth Rp or so maybe?

You have a good overall. Hope that you will have fun here!

~Albus!*

PS. http://www.harrypotterfan.com/forum/index.php?topic=5471.0 http://www.harrypotterfan.com/forum/index.php?topic=5341.0 Just some links. I'm too lazy to find too many.

[Alexis]

Not bad.
Try put some spaces though in between stuff.  It makes it easier to read.