time and time again

[potter_fan122]

((AXEL.))

For winter, it was pretty dang nice outside.  The sun was shining, a thick layer of snow covered everything except for the walking paths.  Christmas was coming, and everyone seemed to be in a good mood.  Things looked perfect, like it had all been planned.  What hadn't been planned was the fight Alice had with Seth.  It had been something stupid and trivial, but fury had poured through Alice like fire. 

Seth had wanted a dog.  Any pet, really, but a pet.  Since that was kind of a mutual thing to agree on gettin, he had asked her what she thought.  Alice had blatantly told him no, without a real reason.  It was because she was scared.  Thirst still came to her, and sometimes she wondered if she was still a vampire.  She longed for the taste of blood, but didn't need it like she used to.  Maybe it was because of the two centuries she had spent seeking it, or maybe she was addicted to it.  Whatever the reason, she couldn't put up with the temptation of having a pet.  It would be too easy to attack.  Not that she would do it on purpose, but she wasn't perfect.  Seth hadn't recieved an answer to why she didn't want a pet.  Alice hadn't told him about all of her vampire-like syptoms.  Some of them like her cold skin and color-changing eyes were hard to hide, and he noticed those.  She had managed to keep the rest away from him though.

This was unfortunately something she couldn't tell him.  She would be too ashamed.  It was like she was too weak to remain human for him, and she didn't want to feel like she did when she was a vampire.  The lonelyness she endured was extraordinary, and she never wanted to go through that again.

So here she was, in the Hogsmead, just walking around.  She looked kept and neat in her dusky grey pea coat and--wait for it--red skinny jeans.  Her long, thick black hair was loose around her shoulders, framing her pale white face as it always did.  She had gone into one of the bars and bought a bottle of firewhiskey.  Sipping on that she meandered down the streets. 

Without wanting to, Alice realized that she was lonely.  The fight had left her exhausted, but she couldn't return to Seth right now, especially not with the smell of alcohol on her.  Being ashamed was one of the things Alice just coudln't handle, and Seth's unending understanding just made it worse sometimes.  Turning a corner a figure caught her eye and she very nearly dropped her bottle.  Leaning up against whatever building she was near, so shook her head and looked again.  The person moved, and she had to jump forward to see where they went.  Black hair fell into her face and she hurridly push it aside.  The person was still moving.  It looked like him.  But it couldn't be.  He was gone.  Dead.  Dead a long time now.  Long enough for her to marry Seth.  And besides the dead didn't--wait, that wasn't true.  The dead could come back.  She herself was proof of that.

Nonetheless, she had to see if it was him.  It couldn't be but she had to be sure.

She pushed ahead, not caring about the people in her way.  The red hair was getting farther away, but ever so slowly she was catching up.  It was like chasing a d@mned rabbit.  They stopped, and Alice did too.  There was no on between them now, just empty space.

"Axel?"

[Sky]

He told himself he wouldn't come back. That he would never step back onto these grounds after that night. They would only bring the memories back in a stronger form, and he didn't know if he would be able to handle it. The nightmares had only recently started to retreat. But on some nights, they would wake him in a cold sweat, panting and heart racing.

   Axel had finally stopped in front of the very building where he supposedly died. It was a dramatic night. The rivalry with his brother-like cousin, the hatred, had caused them to fight. And it was stupid. He finally understood that now. Everything they ever fought about, was stupid. He ran his hand along the cold brick that built the walls, memories bursting in his mind.

 
   When Avalee, Alice, and Seth left overcome by everything, Axel's body had lingered on the floor, bloodied and a mess. A healer, who had stayed away from the fight by hiding in the back of the room had made his way over and hovered over the young man, hands pressed firmly on his chest. There was a green aura of light around the man's hands and then a cough came from Axel. He was alive again. If the healer had waited any longer, Axel probably would have been dead.

   So the healer wrapped his cloak around Axel, to stop the bleeding, and then arranged for him to be taken to St. Mungo's. But Axel had other plans.    

   Axel sighed. He decided it would be better to remain "dead" so to speak. To live without them knowing he was alive. It was better that way. He only caused more problems.

  He found his reflection in the window, and saw that rather than the people in the bar. He looked mostly the same. Only his hair wasn't as long and he had a scar across the bridge of his nose. A little stubble on his chin. He wore a simple brown t-shirt and jeans with a long black coat over top, hands in the pockets, white fedora hat on his head.

  But his attention was pulled away from the mirror like window when he heard his name. It had been so long, he didn't even recognize the voice. He turned and his eyes widened. Alice. Of all people. He didn't say anything though. He just looked at her.
   

[potter_fan122]

Her feet felt like they were part of the ground.  She froze, and her body refused to move.  Her brilliant eyes widened with shock, but other than that the only part of her in motion was her wind-blown hair.

*No. Nonononononono.  He's dead.  He's not really here, it's not him.  It's a ghost.  It can't be him, it's not him, he's dead.*  Those thoughts ran through her mind over and over again, forcing herself to believe them.

But she couldn't believe them.  He was here, in front of her.  She knew that it was him, he was here, and he was alive.  Human and alive.  She saw it in his mind.

"Oh my God," she whispered, finally able to move.  Conflicting emotions ran through her--pain, joy, sorrow, love, anger, wonder.  She didn't know what to feel.  With eyes still wide she slowly stepped towards him, her feet making no sound on the cold, hard ground.  She moved right in front of him and looked up into his eyes.  Those eyes had seen so much pain, and yet that had looked at her with love.  Gingerly, without realizing that she did so, she lifted a hand and stroked his cheek, her eyes never leaving his.

[Sky]

Axel flinched, pushing his body back against the wall to avoid her touch. This wasn't happening. Why was it happening? She didn't need to know that he was alive. Nobody did. He planned on going about his existance silently, avoiding people. He should have known that coming back would mean taking a chance on seeing familiar faces.

   Axel still didn't say anything. He let his eyes remain staring into hers, because a part of him had wanted her to know it was him, deep down. But he lowered his gaze to the ground, closing his eyes.

[potter_fan122]

Alice fliched when he did, not expecting the quick movement.  For a moment her hand hung in the air, then it dropped to her side.  Her unreal, crystal-like eyes were still staring at him, unblinking like no human could ever manage.  In that moment she forgot about her humanity, forgot about her own blood that ran through her veins.  No, in that space of time she might as well have been a vampire, and she was with Axel right after Seth left.

All of her powers felt like they returned, but she barely noticed that.  If anyone touched her they would find that her skin was as ice cold as it used to be.  She could feel her lungs relax, as if she were only breathing because it felt right.  The thick, sharp scent of winter filled her nostrils and screamed cold in her mind.  At the same time she was experiencing Axel's thoughts on top of her own.  She could see everything now, literally and not.

"I missed you," she whispered, knowing that he could hear her.  "So much.  And I know it's you.  You can't trick me."  She looked at him through her black bangs, wishing he would speak.

[Sky]

"Don't do this." Axel said. "You can pretend like you never saw me and everything can be normal like it was. Don't get involved." He warned through his teeth. He sighed and looked up. Alice's eyes were still on him, not blinking even once. And they were still as vibrant as ever. He knew she wasn't going to leave. She was too stubborn to do that.

  "How is Avalee?" He asked her softly.

[potter_fan122]

Shock ran through Alice.  Her mouth opened slightly and she took a small step back.  There was a pain in her eyes, and for a moment she wondered if she was going to cry.

*Guess you're human after all.*

She didn't really understand why she felt so, well, betrayed.  Axel was alive and he was here.  She realized just how much she had missed him.  After Seth came back she just dropped Axel, and that had been wrong.  He had moved on easy enough with Avalee, and after he supposedly died Alice and Seth got married, and everything was fine again.  Now Avalee was with some teacher, aparantly having forgotten Axel.  But Alice never forgot him, not really.  She might have pushed thoughts of him away, but he was still there.  Now that he was here in front of her, she wanted to touch him, make sure he was real.  He had verbally slapped her in the face.

"Fine." Alice said, her tone instantly sharper.  "Found a new friend that got her to stop drinking.  She seems to like him quite a bit."  She narrowed her eyes and clenched her teeth together.  She was too proud to cry in front of him, especially if he wanted to play verbal games or whatever it was he was doing.

[Sky]

So she's moved on.
  "Good." He said a little stiffly. No, it wasn't good. At least...not to him. But it was good for her. Maybe this person could give her a better life. After all, what did Axel have to offer her? He was no good. He had nothing. What did she ever see in him anyway?

   His eyes found the sparkly ring on Alice's hand.

     "You're married. How is that going?" He asked. He felt a slight twinge of jealousy and shook it off. Why would he be jealous of that?

[potter_fan122]

Alice lifted her left hand, looking at the shimmery ring on her finger.  How was being married?

"Good enough, obviously," she said stifly, raising the bottle of firewhiskey to her lips and taking a long pull from the bottle.  He could see the little prick in his eyes, the one that screamed jealousy.  She idly wondered if that twinge was in her own face.

Without know what else to do she crossed her arms, but remained standing where she was.  Axel knew she wasn't going to be leaving any time soon, and it would be really stupid for him to run, especially with her standing in front of him, basically blocking the smarter path.  She looked away from him now and blinked the wetness from her eyes.  Why was he being so rude?  He was alive, and she wanted to... to touch him, to hold him.

Alice clenched her teeth, still not looking at him.  One thought stood out more than any other in her mind, and it was one she couldn't push away.

*I love him, and he obviously doesn't love me.*

[Sky]

He watched sadly as she brought the bottle to her lips. Axel had been drinking more frequently these days, but he didn't want others to be doing the same. He lifted his hand and carefully pushed the bottle away from her lips.

  "Please," he begged softly. "don't." 

  He knew what she wanted, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He couldn't bring himself to apologize for what had happened. He slowly pulled his arm back and regretted coming back here.

[potter_fan122]

Alice gave him a sharp look and drank from the bottle anyway.  The thoughts and images were so clear.  Way too clear.  The alcohol would make them go away, like it always did.  As she drank her mind sort of twitched, and a rush of thoughts were pulled into her own.

"You think I want you to apologize?!" She exclaimed, nearly choking on the whiskey.  "What for?  What have you done wrong?"  Her voice was too loud.  She clapped her free hand over her mouth and looked around.  Her body just couldn't decide between human and vampire, could it?  Did he even know about her change?

[Sky]

Axel was shocked that she heard his thoughts and began to speak so loudly.

  "I should have found you and told you I was alive instead of...well, thinking I were dead. That wasn't right." But maybe he was getting too ahead of himself. Maybe she didn't even miss him. She had Seth, so why would she? And Avalee had found someone. He should have run when he had the chance.

[potter_fan122]

"No," she sighed, running her fingers through her hair and starting to pace.

"The fact that you're alive, well, it's unreal, okay?  I was still a full vampire when the fig--when you got hurt, and I could have sworn you were dead.  Vampire don't make mistakes when it comes to dead things.  I guess I must have because here you are, and you seem healthy enough to me.  I feel like I've gone crazy and went and died or something.  Seems plausible enough.  After all, I'm standing in the middle of the road with you, some alcohol, and anger issues.  Ha!  Yes, I must have gone crazy."  Her words strung together, and she said them all without taking a breath.  Right now the need to breath wasn't too urgent.

[Sky]

"Um...what?"

[potter_fan122]

Alice turned back to face Axel, her eyes black.  Slowly her body relaxed, and her face softened.  She wasn't mad at Axel.  Heck, she had never been mad at Axel.

"I'm sorry.  Just.... a lot has happened since you...left."  She sniffled and turned away.  Warmth covered her cheeks, and for the first time in a long time she found out that she was crying.